By Rabbi Baruch Lederman
SAN DIEGO — Rav Yosef Poesner was a brilliant scholar and an amazingly righteous individual. During his entire life, he seemed to be plagued by a nagging wife who would humiliate him at every opportunity. His wife was the daughter of the reknowned Nodeh B’Yehuda, the esteemed Rav of Prague.
After a brilliant lecture, she would come into the room, and belittle him. During meetings at which his opinion was prominently sought, she would serve the company food, but at the same time she made sure to deride him. During all these outbursts, he never said a word. He never defended himself. In fact, he hung his head low, as if to agree with her words of derision. This went on for years. No one knew how Rav Yosef could put up with her. These tirades were uncomfortable to witness. It was an embarrassment.
Then, suddenly, he passed away. Throngs of people came to the funeral of this great Rabbi. All of the gathered contrasted his greatness to the difficult life he had led, by being married to a shrew of a wife who was about to bury him.
After the eulogies, his wife suddenly appeared before the coffin, crying uncontrollably.
She begged his permission to speak and then burst into tears.
“All these years,” she cried, “I fulfilled the adage that a loyal wife fulfills the wishes of her husband. And due to my loyalty and respect to you and your greatness, I did whatever you had asked me to. But now that you are in the world of the truth, I can finally say the truth.” She began to declare her respect for his greatness and humility, his piety and patience, his kindness and compassion.
The people near the coffin were shocked to see this woman transformed into a loving, grieving widow. She continued her soliloquy.
“Despite, how difficult it was for me, I kept the promise and commitment you had asked me to make. Any time you were treated honorably, or were asked to fulfill a prestigious role, you told me to come in and belittle you as strongly as possible. You were afraid that the honor they afforded you would make you haughty. I only complied because that was your will! It meant so much to you, so I forced myself to harangue you even though it was the hardest thing in the world for me to do.”
“But now I can finally say the truth! That was only in public!”
“You know how much I revered your greatness, how much I appreciated and cherished you!” She continued to cry over the great tzadik and lifelong companion she lost. The stunned grievers were shocked at the tremendous devotion of the Rebbitzin, who deemed herself a harrying nag all for the sake of her husband’s wishes.
[*The foregoing true story is documented in Parsha Parables by Rabbi Mordechai Kamenetzky]
Dedicated by Avraham & Roz Dimenstein in memory of Rabbi Henry & Rebbetzin Esther Soille.
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Rabbi Lederman is spiritual leader of Congregation Kehillas Torah in San Diego. He may be contacted at baruch.lederman@sdjewishworld.com