By Rabbi Baruch Lederman
SAN DIEGO — On Thursday, Sivan 28, 5764, June 17, 2004; Rebbetzin Pesha Leibowitz, a”h, returned her soul to her creator. “The Rebbetzin” as we called her, was at the same time very simple and very complex.
I was privileged to be able to fly in from San Diego for the levaya (funeral), which was held in the Bais Medrash of the Chofetz Chaim Yeshiva in Kew Gardens Hills, New York, and attended by some 1,850 people. We were mourning the loss of this great woman who meant so very much to us here in America and for the loss of one of the few remaining links to a different world – the pre-war European Yeshiva world.
At the levaya, many people spoke about The Rebbetzin’s unparalleled devotion to the Rosh Yeshiva and the talmidim (students). How she was the Eim Hayeshiva – the mother of the yeshiva. Indeed, she did look after us like a mother. When she learned that I hurt my back and was bedridden for a few days, she sent a hot-water bottle to my dormitory room for pain relief and a special tray with legs, designed for eating in bed.
She was a mother to all the talmidim; but, what about the children of the talmidim? What was her relationship toward them? My personal experience in this regard is one that I will never forget for the rest of my life:
In November 1990, we were in our last year of kollel (intensive Talmudic program for married students) and had three children, a 3- year-old Dovid, a 2-year-old Rivki, and a brand new bouncing baby boy Shlomo Moshe who had just been born. In February 1991, our beautiful son Shlomo Moshe Lederman, a”h, died of SIDS at the age of three months.
The funeral was held at the Chofetz Chaim Yeshiva building. The street was blocked off with police barricades to make room for the participants to stand. HoRav Shmuel Niman sadly lamented that three short months ago, Shlomo Moshe was brought to the Yeshiva for his bris; and now to our deep anguish, he is being brought to the yeshiva for his levaya (funeral).
After the funeral, Neal Kugelman drove my aishes chayil (wife) and myself to the cemetery for the kevurah (burial). As we were about to leave, I asked Eliezer Halpern to make sure that there would be a minyan (quorum of 10 men) driving out for the kevurah so that kaddish could be said – it was a very long drive to the cemetery and I didn’t imagine very many people making that trip. Eliezer looked at me (like I was nuts) and said, “Don’t worry, there will definitely be a minyan there.” Despite his confidence I wasn’t convinced.
I guess I didn’t understand, for as we were driving on the highway, we looked back at the procession of cars headed to the cemetery and it was so long that we couldn’t even see the end of it. In fact my sister Robin told me that she was so far back in the line that she couldn’t see the front of the line, yet she still couldn’t see the back of the line – that’s how long the procession was.
There were hundreds of people at the cemetery (yes, we got a minyan) and there were hundreds who came during the week for shiva, and many who phoned or wrote divrei nechama (words of consolation) literally from around the world. The outpouring of kindness and compassion was amazing.
We learned though, that as much as everyone cries and acutely feels your pain with genuine sincerity and deep sensitivity during the shiva period; after a few weeks, people start to forget about the whole thing and no longer realize how much your life has been altered.
One person, however, did not forget. Several months later, the Rebbetzin, mentioned to me that my children still had a sadness about them from the loss of their baby brother. They weren’t as carefree as they used to be she observed. Evidently, the Rebbetzin had been noticing my children, and had been talking to them and taking them under her wing.
All this time, she had been involved with them and was monitoring their progress while I was totally unaware. The Rebbetzin took a unique interest in our children, helped them through an immensely difficult time and forged a special bond with them. I can never forget her for this, I can never be grateful enough, for as long as I live.
After we moved to San Diego, Yehudah Simes, a young yeshiva bochur, came to visit us for Yom Tov. The Rebbetzin sent a big bag of candy with him for our children. We gave our children some of the candy every Shabbos. Since it was a lot, it lasted for a very long time and our kids began to refer to it as ‘Rebbetzin candy.’
Thus was the relationship between my children and the Rebbetzin. Indeed, when Dovid – now turning 17 – learned of her passing he was heartbroken. Finally he said that he felt like he lost a grandmother. Indeed we have all lost a mother.
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Dedicated by Avrohom & Basha Perkal in honor of the Simchas Bas Mitzvah of Eyliana Rivka Perkal (daughter of Dov/Allyson Perkal) on the occasion of her recent Bas Mitzvah and to Yaakov Yisroel Perkal (son of Simcha/Jacqueline Perkal) on the occasion of his recent birth. Dedicated by Rabbi Aryeh & Rena Greenberg L’refua Shlaimah for Itta bas Esther.
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Rabbi Lederman is spiritual leader of Congregation Kehillas Torah in San Diego. He may be contacted at baruch.lederman@sdjewishworld.com