By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO―The demonstrations in the Ukraine have tarnished the image of a state content with being heavily dependent on Russia. Internal memos reveal that the Ukraine expected to easily quell the protests and initially dismissed it as a “pussy riot.” Embarrassed that much of Kiev’s Independence Square has been reduced to ash and ruble by the demonstrators, the Ukraine is putting a positive spin on the event by claiming that the city’s residents were honoring the Sochi Olympics by replicating an Olympic torch that could be seen from the International Space Station.
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Texas gubernatorial candidate Gregg Abbott refuses the disavow the racist comments made by country singer Ted Nugent who spoke at one of his election rallies against gun control. Nugent had called President Obama a “a subhuman mongrel.” Geneticists studying a sample of Nugent’s DNA have determined that he is a purebred bigot.
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The transcripts and financial information of 310,000 University of Maryland students and staff have been hacked over the past 16 years. Noting that greater numbers of students drive BMWs, Jaguars, and Teslas, wear expensive clothes, and get straight A averages, university officials suspect this may have been an inside job.
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The judge in the Michael Dunn case is pondering what the appropriate sentence for his crime should be. He plans to incarcerate him in a cell next to a bunch of homies who play Gangsta rap on Energy Take Classic speakers 24 hours a day.
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The US government has warned aviation security authorities and airliner passengers that terrorists are developing new types of shoe bombs. A quick search of the internet indicates that a new on-line retailer Zap.US has developed a line of explosive designer shoes. Here’s some of what it is offering: Rocketports: a comfortable walking shoe that can launch mini-missiles from its eyelets; Tocs: A sandal made entirely of plastic explosives that are detonated by a timer; Stretchers: a powerful casual shoe that delivers what its name promises.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com