Humoring the headlines: August 9, 2014

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron
Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO─The NCAA authorized college teams in “power conferences” to develop compensation plans for their student athletes, reasoning that pay for play has worked so well in politics, why not try it in collegiate sports.

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For years conservatives have claimed there is a war on Christmas, but with the rise of ISIS, they can prove that there is a war on Christians.

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To retaliate against American sanctions, Vladimir Putin has banned all imports of American meat and produce. The Surgeon General of Russia simultaneously issued a study of the health benefits of an all borscht and vodka diet.

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President Obama ordered the United States Air Force to drop aid packages to the Yazidis who have fled to a mountain to escape ISIS troops and to drop bombs on ISIS positions. Although the Yazidis are grateful for the assistance, they worry that the pilots might mix-up their orders.

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A toddler breached White House security by slipping through a fence. Fortunately, the tot’s parents don’t practice open carry.

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.  He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be  taken literally.