Humoring the headlines: August 15, 2014

 

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron
Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO─ Forty-six years ago in August 1968, the Chicago Police Department used excessive force to suppress demonstrators at the Democratic Convention. This week the Ferguson Police Department commemorated the event by reenacting it.

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An Arizona high-school math teacher showed up to her class drunk and continued to consume alcohol during class. When asked why she did this, she replied, “I was preparing my students for college life.”

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An Australian jihadist fighting for ISIS posted a picture on the internet of his seven-year old son holding the severed head of a Syrian soldier killed by the group. He explained that the ISIS Social Media department had requested a headshot for its publicity campaign.

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A fourteen year old Dallas boy managed to stay undetected in a Walmart store for 54 hours. He claimed he wasn’t hiding, but just trying to find something to buy that wasn’t made in China.

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Ukrainian border guards stopped and inspected a convoy of Russian trucks carrying humanitarian aid to the besieged city of Donetsk. They suspected that the large Kolbasa sausages with metal casings and fins might be artillery shells.

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.  He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com .  San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.