Humoring the headlines: October 12, 2014

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO─ Malala Yousafzai won the Nobel Peace Prize for championing the right of girls to attend school in Pakistan.  Unfortunately, 60 % of the girls in Pakistan are unable to read the news story about her award.

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According to a recent Pew poll on religion in the United States, 72 % of Americans think that the influence of religion on public life has declined.  Upon hearing this finding, a spokesperson for the Atheists of America proclaimed, “Thank God!”

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A nurse treating the Ebola patient in a Dallas hospital has tested positive for Ebola.  Governor Rick Perry has issued an executive order for all Texas hospitals to outsource the treatment of Ebola patients to Mexico.

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Oscar Pistorius may be sentenced to prison time for his conviction on charges of negligent homicide.  His potential cellmate has been warned not to go to the bathroom at night when Pistorius is sleeping.

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ISIS appears to be on the verge of conquering the Syrian city of Kobani and Anbar province in Iraq.  Iraqi and Kurdish officials are urging President Obama to step up his air campaign against ISIS by sending troop planes instead of bombers.

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.  He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be  taken literally.