Humoring the Headlines: November 13, 2014

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron
Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO─ A new Gallup poll indicated that 42 % of those queried have a favorable view of the Republican Party compared to only 36 % who view the Democratic Party favorability.    While many analysts attribute this to President Obama’s mishandling of the ISIS and Ebola crises, others believe it is just a sign of grade inflation.

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Presidents Obama and Xi Jinping of China unexpectedly committed their countries to cutting carbon emissions.  They struck the accord after returning from a stroll in Beijing gasping for air.

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ISIS has announced that it will mint its own currency.  The State Department has issued a warning to American citizens travelling in the area to be wary of flipping coins with ISIS members who challenge them to a contest by telling them, “Heads, you lose!”

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The United States landed a space probe on a barren and distant comet.  Immediately thereafter, Congressional Republicans voted additional funding for NASA to build bigger versions of the module to transport undocumented aliens there.

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The Russian Defense Ministry plans to fly bombers off the Gulf Coast of the United States.  State Department officials worry Russia might try to annex Florida on the grounds that many of the state’s Jewish senior citizens have Russian ancestors.

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.  He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com .  San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.