Humoring the Headlines: December 10, 2014

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron
Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO — President Obama was diagnosed with acid reflux.  His personal physician surmises that he caught it from Congressional Republicans who repeatedly regurgitate any piece of legislation that he has submitted to them.

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Trying to avert a federal takeover, the Cleveland Police Department has banned the sale of toy guns to African American parents and children.

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Syria and Russia have lodged a diplomatic protest over Israel’s bombing of targets in Syria.  They condemned the bombing of civilian targets in the country by anyone other than the Syrian Air Force.

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The Senate released its report on the CIA’s torture of 9/11 and al-Qaeda detainees.  Dick Cheney called the report “a bunch of hooey” claiming that the charges of sleep deprivation  amounted to nothing more than “enhanced insomnia,” that the prisoner who died of hypothermia had turned the dial too low on the thermostat in his cell, and that forcing prisoners to assume unnatural positions for prolonged periods of time was part of their yoga program.

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A Russian astronomer has discovered an asteroid which crosses into the earth’s orbit every three years.  Vladimir Putin plans to annex it the next time it comes close to earth.

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.  He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com .  San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.

 

 

 

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