Bringing Bubbe Home: A Memoir of Letting Go Through Love and Death by Debra Gordon Zaslow; 192 pages. White Cloud Books. $9.45
By Janice Steinberg
SAN DIEGO — When Debra Gordon Zaslow visited her grandmother in a nursing home in Los Angeles, she quickly realized that, despite being 103 and showing some signs of dementia, her bubbe’s essential nature hadn’t changed. “‘Ven did (your sister) put on so much vait?'” her grandmother asked. Zaslow writes, “I felt like smacking her, so I knew she was still her old self.”
That down-to-earth humor is one of the pleasures of Bringing Bubbe Home, Zaslow’s story of caring for her grandmother during the last five months of her life—from fall 1996 through the following spring.
The decision to bring her grandmother into their Ashland, Oregon home happened quickly for Zaslow and her husband, Rabbi David Zaslow. Then reality set in. Where were they going to make space, not just for Bubbe but for the sleep-in caregiver she would need, in a house brimming with their lives and those of their two teenagers? And how—in a demanding life as a professional storyteller and teacher, rebbetzin, and mom—would Debra find time to manage Bubbe’s care and have a meaningful connection with her?
Of course, the whole family pitched in. … Well, actually, it didn’t go down that way. When the Zaslows break the news to their kids, “Rachel says what she really wants is a puppy.” And, once Bubbe is installed in Rabbi Zaslow’s former office, neither of the kids relishes spending time with a sometimes sharp-tongued great-grandmother who no longer takes the trouble to put in her dentures. Nor, in Zaslow’s eyes, does her husband shoulder his share of Bubbe care.
By the way, once I got into the book, I couldn’t help thinking of the grandmother as “Bubbe.” That’s a tribute to Zaslow’s storytelling gifts. She makes Bubbe, the rest of the family, and herself wonderfully real in their imperfections and their struggles to cope with a difficult situation. “No coffee, no compassion,” she declares one morning when she’s less than empathetic to a caregiver’s concerns, presented before she’s had breakfast. And journeys into her family’s history help us understand Bubbe … and perhaps some of our own immigrant-generation family members.
Moments of sweetness are precious—for instance, when the family celebrates Chanukah in Bubbe’s room, and “Bubbe looks up at the dancing light, takes in the singing, and says, ‘I never vould hev believed I’ve live long enough to see dis. To be here vit my grendchildren, and great-grendchildren, singing at Chanukah.'”
Reading Bringing Bubbe Home may not inspire you to bring your dying grandparent into your home. That’s all for the good. Zaslow’s openness about both the tsuris and the joy her family experienced makes this memoir not only engaging but true.
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Steinberg is an author and freelance writer who specializes in coverage of arts and literature. Your signed comment may be posted below or sent to janice.steinberg@sdjewishworld.com