By Judith Gottesman, MSW
SAN DIEGO — Pesach is an auspicious time to find love. It’s a time for self-reflection to see what patterns and choices you make that may get in the way of your happiness. Now is the time to liberate yourself and start anew.
As the matchmaker and dating coach for Soul Mates Unlimited Jewish matchmaking service, I’m often asked by my clients, who are of all ages, for tips on how to find “The One.”
Here are three important things to remember:
One of the most important things is to stay hopeful, have faith, and a positive attitude. Believe there is someone out there for you! People who don’t give up and who believe love is out there for them, increase their chances of finding it. A positive attitude attracts positive people into your life. And, it’s a more enjoyable way to live your life, in the meantime.
The second is to be proactive. Dating is work. You have to make an effort. You have to take action by going to social events where you meet people, do on-line dating, hire a matchmaker, like myself, to expand your search options. Just as you would hire a professional and try different avenues in your search for a new home or job, you want to do so in your search for love. Finding the right person to marry may be the single most important thing you do and the most crucial decision you make in your life, with lifelong lasting impact.
The third is to be patient and open. You have to believe that he or she is out there and accept the timing may be out of your control. I think the timing piece is hardest for people to accept, as love is about fate, and your soul mate may not be ready or available right when you want him or her to be. And, it’s essential to be open to love not coming in the package you pictured. Be flexible and be open about a personal “resume”, ie: their location, if they’ve been divorced, their height, exact physique, age, if they have children, their education, profession, etc. A lot of people come to me with very set lists of requirements and deal-breakers. It’s important to be with someone you’re attracted to and to be true to your values and goals. But, the more superficial, limiting, and rigid you are about your “list”, the less likely you are to find love.
Another thing people ask me is how did I get into this business of matchmaking. I am a true romantic who believes in the power of love and I like to help people find it. I grew up watching my father, Rabbi Aaron Gottesman, do beautiful wedding ceremonies and learned about the Jewish views on love and marriage. I started matching people over twenty years ago, just for the mitzvah. As a teenager, living in Israel on a gap year in college, I helped match a couple. Then in graduate school, I realized I have an intuitive sense and was able to recognize people’s soul mates. I set up several couples, (two of those original couples are from San Diego) all of whom got married, and are still happily married, many years later. It’s really hard for most people to find love and especially hard for California Jews to find each other since we are such a tiny minority. So many people asked me for assistance in finding love, I started Soul Mates Unlimited in 2009 so I could help more people in a full-time, formal manner.
Whether you’re new to dating or a pro with decades of experience, people find my Dating Tips video blog helpful. You can view it on my site: www.SoulMatesUnlimited.com
Wishing you love.
*
Gottesman has an undergraduate psychology degree from UC Berkeley and a master’s in social work from Yeshiva University in New York City. When she’s not bringing love into people’s lives, she enjoys hiking, snorkeling, international travel, wildlife photography, and volunteering in animal rescue.
__________________________________________________________________
Care to comment? San Diego Jewish World is intended as a forum for the entire Jewish community, whatever your political leanings. Letters may be posted below provided they are responsive to the article that prompted them, and civil in their tone. Ad hominem attacks against any religion, country, gender, race, sexual orientation, or physical disability will not be considered for publication. Letters must be signed with your first and last name, and you must state your city and state of residence. There is a limit of one letter per writer on any given day.
__________________________________________________________________