Humoring the headlines: April 16, 2015

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron
Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO─ Marco Rubio announced his candidacy for president by criticizing the President “for looking backwards” and having “forgotten that when America fails to lead, global chaos inevitably follows.”  To set an example of how he will break with the past and restore American power, he promised to invade Cuba.

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Responding to the rash of police shootings of African-American men, a hip-hop clothing company has started to sell a line of kevlar hoodies and jeans.

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A Florida mailman landed his gyrocopter on the Capitol lawn to deliver letters to members of Congress protesting the unregulated role of big money in American politics.  Emulating this tactic, the Koch Brothers have commissioned the building of a replica of the spaceship from Independence Day to hover over the Capitol and disintegrate the building if Congress places any limits on financial donations to Political Action Committees.

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A Bloomberg poll confirmed that more Americans feel football rather than baseball is the national pastime.  After all, the game epitomizes Washington politics with two teams refusing to give ground to each other and knocking each other senseless.

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Florida and Wisconsin have banned state employees from using the term “climate change.”  The ban is set to expire when the rising ocean covers most of Florida and when Wisconsin winters are balmy, namely in thirty years.

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.  He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com .  San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.

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