Humoring the headlines: August 11, 2015

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron
Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO─ Incensed that Megyn Kelly had asked him an inappropriate question about sexist remarks he has made, Donald Trump commented: “You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her whatever.”  Journalists reported that the excrement flowing out of Trump’s mouth shows no signs of abating.

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China has devalued its currency to guarantee that none of the products it exports can be made more cheaply anywhere else in the world.

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The EPA unsealed an old gold mine accidentally releasing a toxic yellow sludge into the Colorado River.  Rick Perry demanded that the EPA change its name to the Environmental Pollution Agency.  In a related development, China refused an American request to rename the Colorado the Yellow River.

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The right-wing paramilitary group the Oath Keepers dispatched members to Ferguson, Missouri purportedly to keep the peace.  African Americans suspect that the group is there to intimidate them as part of its celebration of the first anniversary of the police killing Michael Brown.

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Jeb Bush blamed the disintegration of peace and the rise of ISIS in Iraq on Hillary Clinton.  Clinton responded by wondering if Jeb is his brother’s keeper.

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.  He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com .  San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.