Looking for Moses at the DMV

By Sheila Orysiek

Sheila Orysiek
Sheila Orysiek

SAN DIEGO — The motto and guiding principle of San Diego Jewish World  is “There is a Jewish Story Everywhere.” Don Harrison, owner/editor of the publication, and I have discussed this through the years and he has demonstrated through the years that he has no difficulty adhering to the precept of this publication.

For me, however, it can present a challenge and so at times I set myself the task of looking for the “There is a Jewish Story Everywhere” in the most unlikely places – even in such a highly unlikely place as the California Department of Motor Vehicles. This might even present a challenge to Editor Harrison’s legendary skills.

Because of the number of birthdays which I have accumulated, the DMV summoned me for a visual and written test to prove I am still worthy to drive the streets and freeways of the State. Thus, I found myself at the front door of this “Hall of Bureaucracy.” However, since the line of my fellow citizens extended out the door onto the sidewalk, it took a few well executed U-turns to get out of the 100 degree heat and into the minimally air conditioned HofB.

Once inside, the line of “The Summoned” stretched along one entire wall; plus several zigzags.   Two uniformed security guards seemed more intent on the shape of the zigzags compared to the straightness of the rest of the line than on keeping a watch for the possibility of other dangers.   I dusted off my lining-up skills – unused since first grade. The reward for reaching the head of this particular line was a small paper ticket with a letter-number combination indicating what part of “The Bureaucracy” would decide my fate.

Along the opposite wall, ensconced behind a counter, sits “The Bureaucracy.” In the center of the room are rows of seats for “The Great Unwashed.” Above it all croons “The Voice” – (politically correct non-gender specific) calling out ticket numbers: “Now serving ticket #H066 at Window 8.” In response to which one of the “Great Unwashed” rises and approaches “The Bureaucracy” at Window 8.

As time goes by and the “Voice” drones on – in no discernable order such as 1,2,3 or A,B,C – the problem becomes how to occupy one’s mind in a constructive manner without allowing chaos to enter and wreck the carefully memorized 103 pages of the California Driver’s Handbook. The Handbook is not without examples of bureaucratic humor such as: “It is a traffic offense to scare horses or stampede livestock” (page 62). Probably came from the same mind which produced the word: “Sharrows,” (page 42).

I mentally recite the rules of the road such as: the wheels of a car parked parallel to the curb must not be more than 18 inches from the curb. I wonder how the State arrived at the number 18? How many studies were conducted by how many committees? Why not 17 or 19? Aha! This might be the answer to my problem of finding “There is a Jewish Story Everywhere!”

Some religious scholars assign a numerical value to each of the letters of the Hebrew alphabet.   The word “Chai” means “life” and the numerical value of the Hebrew letters in that word equals 18. But, it doesn’t seem likely that having a car’s wheels no more than 18 inches from the curb is somehow connected to the numerical value of the Hebrew alphabet especially since this letter/number value system originated long before there were cars or curbs – or maybe even wheels.

I notice there are some overhead monitor screens displaying commercial messages such as car insurance and towing services. One wonders what happens to the money earned from those commercial ads. It certainly isn’t used to buy comfortable chairs for “The Great Unwashed.” The chair is a bare bones affair – and that is exactly what it is affecting at the moment.   I carefully scan the ads – but nothing presents a glimmer of “There is a Jewish Story Everywhere.”

I hopefully look over my fellow citizens – but, alas, no obvious “Jewish Story” – not a kippah (skullcap), prayer shawl or fringed garment in sight. People may be praying internally – but no Bibles of any kind are visible. Not much conversation either – everyone seems to be concentrating on “18 inches from the curb” or “not less than 3 feet from a marked or unmarked crosswalk.” Why 3 feet? Another mystery.

At last I am called to meet a member of “The Bureaucracy” at Window 3 but my elation soon evaporates   when I am asked if any of my identity statistics/description (height, weight, eye and hair color) have changed?   Well, since the current picture on my license was taken decades ago, I must admit to the State of California that the brown hair in the picture is long gone and a new color (white) has to be substituted in the name of accuracy. I wonder if those of my fellow citizens who color their hair purple report this to the State?

My next stop is Window 18 and then to “The Written (actually computer touch screen) Test.” After the computer congratulates me for having passed the test, I stand in the final line leading to the bliss of a newly authorized Driver’s License. I’m getting to the end of this experience and though I am surely happy about that, I am also running out of opportunities to find “There is a Jewish Story Everywhere.”

A few of us are asked to take a seat as the paperwork is completed. We sit there for less than two minutes. In front of me is an elderly man who is completely bald wearing only an undershirt and shorts which for him is an advantage since it gives full room to display all (or most of) his tattoos. They cover almost every visible inch of him including the bald pate. He is quite short and so I have a good view of that pate. Slowly I begin to realize that across the top of his head is a tattoo which reads: “Exodus 1:1” followed by a quote from the Hebrew Bible.

And so, once more Don Harrison is proved correct. There is indeed a Jewish Story Everywhere.

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Orysiek is a freelance writer who specializes in arts and literature. Comments may be sent to sheila.orysiek@sdjewishworld.com