Humoring the headlines: July 1, 2016

Bad News, Good News

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron
Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO─ The bad news is that Ikea dressers not anchored to walls easily topple over injuring and killing children.  The good news is that only a small fraction of the dressers ever were assembled by purchasers who tried to follow the instructions.

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The good news is that the Supreme Court upheld a ruling that people who have been convicted of domestic violence cannot purchase guns.  The bad news is that people on the terrorist No-Fly list who have not harmed their spouses or partners can still purchase guns.

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The bad news is that Bill Clinton coincidentally met Loretta Lynch at the Phoenix Airport and privately conversed with her even though she will have to decide whether to pursue FBI recommendations on whether to prosecute Hillary Clinton for posting classified information on her private email server.  The good news is that Lynch has not filed sexual harassment charges against Bill Clinton.

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The good news is that the animated film Finding Dory is the number one box-office hit in the United States.  The bad news is that many of Dory’s relatives are inanimate under the toxic algae bloom blanketing Florida’s beaches and coastal waters.

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The bad news is that a self-driving Tesla Model S was involved in a fatal crash.  The good news is that IBM’s Watson is conducting the investigation of the accident.

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com   San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.