Humoring the headlines: July 22, 2016

The Republican National Convention Wrap Up

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron
Laurie Baron

Trump delegate Al Baldasaro of New Hampshire reiterated his belief that Hillary should be “put in the firing line and shot for treason.”  Forget about fact checking.  He needs tact checking.

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Jerry Falwell Jr. praised Donald Trump as “America’s blue-collar billionaire,” but failed to mention that Trump’s blue collars are manufactured in China.

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Ivanka Trump assured women that her father believes in equal pay for equal work because he agreed to the same alimony settlements for her mother Ivana and stepmother Marla.

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Donald Trump delivered a rousing acceptance speech.  Parts of it sounded plagiarized.  Richard Nixon had declared in 1968: “As we look at America, we see cities enveloped in smoke and flame. We hear sirens in the night. We see Americans dying on distant battlefields abroad. We see Americans hating each other; fighting each other; killing each other at home. I say the time has come for other nations in the Free World to bear their fair share of the burden of defending peace and freedom around this world.” Trump played on the fears of Americans of crime, Hillary Clinton, illegal immigration, ISIS infiltration, loss of gun rights, low wages, and political correctness at home and from Islamic terrorism, declining American power, Iran, and unfair trade abroad.  In essence he paraphrased George H. Bush’s famous statement regarding “a thousand points of” fright.  After humbly accepting his party’s nomination and enumerating the current crisis, he humbly proclaimed, “I alone can fix it.”

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As they left, the delegates were stoked with blood coming out of their eyes and out of their whatevers.  Since Queen denied Trump permission to use the lyrics from “We are the Champions,” they aptly changed it to “We are the Chumpians.”  The clean-up crew was less enthused.  Those elephants soiled the convention center with a lot of BS in the past four days.

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com   San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.