Humoring the headlines: July 28, 2016

Democratic National Convention, Day 3

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron
Laurie Baron

Donald Trump tried to steal the Democratic National Convention’s thunder by urging the Russians to release any of Hillary Clinton’s emails they have hacked.  This can backfire in two ways.  Either Vladimir Putin will create a new espionage agency called the KGOP, or it will demonstrate that Hillary’s private server was secure.

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Former New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg questioned Donald Trump’s reputation for being a good businessman:  “Trump says he wants to run the nation like he’s run his business. God help us.”  At that moment delegates started chanting: “Check his books!  Check his books!”

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Tim Kaine did an impression of Donald Trump assuring his followers that they should believe his campaign promises.  Unfortunately, Kaine was too calm and intelligent to sound like Trump.

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Referring to Donald Trump, Joe Biden commented, “This guy doesn’t have a clue about the middle class, not a clue. He has no clue about what makes America great,” Fact Check: Biden was wrong. Trump knows how to dupe and exploit the middle class.

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Barack Obama likened Hillary to the “kind of citizen Teddy Roosevelt once described as someone ‘who is actually in the arena, who strives valiantly, who errs, but who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement.”  Trump tweeted, “Too bad it wasn’t the Quicken Loans Arena.  We would have thrown her to the lions.”

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com   San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.