Humoring the headlines: January 3, 2017

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO−Miffed over recent foreign policy decisions by President Obama, Donald Trump tweeted, “Thought it was going to be a smooth transition – NOT!” On the other hand, he praised Putin’s refusal to retaliate against the US for imposing new sanctions on Russia: ““Great move on delay (by V. Putin). I always knew he was very smart!” Aware that the president-elect loves flattery and can’t speak Russian, (or English for that matter) Putin responded, “Trump is so perceptive – NYET.”
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Trump still disputes the findings of American intelligence agencies that Russia hacked the Hillary Clinton campaign: “I know a lot about hacking. And hacking is a very hard thing to prove. So it could be somebody else. And I also know things that other people don’t know, and so they cannot be sure of the situation.” Translation: “I know a lot about hacks since I’ve already chosen them to be my advisors and cabinet members. It could have been Hillary Clinton looking for an excuse for why she would lose the election big league. Hacking is very hard to prove like Obama’s claim that he was born in Hawaii. And I know a lot of things that other people don’t know, like what’s on my tax returns, and how much money I owe Russian banks.”
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In a related story, John McCain and Lindsey Graham have recommended that Donald Trump undergo surgery to remove his nose from Vladimir Putin’s butt.
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Trump denounced President Obama’s decision to abstain on the UN Resolution condemning the building of new Israeli settlements (and, I must add since most press coverage ignored it, “all acts of violence against civilians, including acts of terror, as well as all acts of provocation, incitement and destruction” implicitly indicting the PA and Hamas and explicitly doing so in Samantha Power’s and John Kerry’s speeches). Trump subscribes to the doctrine that there should be no daylight between us and Israel. In other words relations between the two nations should be conducted in the dark.
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Congressional Republicans voted to abolish the Office of Congressional Ethics after ascertaining that the term congressional ethics is an oxymoron.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.