Humoring the Headlines: January 8, 2017

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO−Donald Trump has asked all current American ambassadors to vacate their posts the day of his inauguration. When asked why, he replied, “Who needs ambassadors when I have a Twitter account?”
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The shooter who killed 5 people and wounded six others at the Fort Lauderdale airport told the FBI several months ago that he heard voices from the CIA encouraging him to join ISIS. Responding to the report, Donald Trump tweeted, “That’s why I don’t trust the CIA.”
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Donald Trump now indicates that the United States might initially pay for the Wall on the Mexican border under the assumption that Mexico eventually will reimburse the expenses. If Mexico declines, he plans to draw on his vast business experience by judging the workmanship and materials shoddy and refusing to pay for either.
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During an interview with NPR, Joe Biden urged Donald Trump to stop denigrating his political enemies on Twitter and “grow up.” In a joint statement, Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus concurred worrying that Trump was giving immaturity a bad name.
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100,000 women have signed up for the protest march against Donald Trump’s inauguration and crude sexism. Donald Trump characteristically tweeted, “I’d like to meet privately with the pretty ones at a suite in my new Washington hotel for an intimate discussion of their concerns.”
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.