Categorized | Baron_Lawrence, Lighter Side, USA

Humoring the headlines: February 4, 2017

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO−After denouncing a prior agreement to accept a group of refugees currently interned in Australia,  President Trump signed an executive order for the deportation of all kangaroos in American zoos whom he suspects are harboring weapons in their pouches.

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The House of Representatives voted to repeal a ban on the sale of guns to people who received benefits from Social Security for suffering from severe mental illnesses.  Wayne Lapierre of the NRA applauded the measure declaring, “The only thing that can stop a bad kangaroo with a gun is a psychopath with a gun.”

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President Trump attempted to dazzle King Abdullah with his knowledge of Jordan’s history by asking him how Michael was doing now that he has retired from basketball.

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President Trump issued a statement on International Holocaust Memorial Day which omitted any mention of the Jews.  Kellyanne Conway subsequently explained that since he had received so much criticism for his ban on immigration from seven Muslim countries, he didn’t want to repeat the same mistake again by singling out a particular religious group.

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Several airline companies have begun offering frequent protester clubs to attract new customers from the crowds that have descended upon American airports since last weekend.

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President Trump threatened President Nieto to send troops across the border if Mexico fails to deal with its “bad hombres.”  President Nieto wondered if that would set a precedent for Mexico to retaliate if Trump fails to fire Steve Bannon and Michael Flynn

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via [email protected]   San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.

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