‘Just kidding:’ Israeli to head FBI?

 

By Joel H. Cohen

Joel H. Cohen

NEW YORK — President Trump is considering naming an Israeli to head the FBI, according to unidentified sources.

The prospective nominee – nicknamed “Falafel” by Trump, presumably to preserve his anonymity – is reportedly a former member of Mossad, Israel’s secret intelligence service.

While not confirming or denying the report, Trump tweeted: “Want to make FBI great again. Searching world for director.” And, in another: “Falafel has incredible experience. Would be great improvement over former head, a disaster.”

When a correspondent at a press briefing asked about the report, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, assistant press secretary filling in for Sean Spicer while he’s on Naval Reserve duty, replied: “I’m not going down that road. The theoretical you bring up could be just one more example of fake news. Let’s just say the President wants the very best person for the job.”

Another correspondent commented: “You know, of course, that the director of the FBI has to be a U.S. citizen,” to which Huckabee Sanders replied, “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

When the reporter persisted, the assistant press secretary said there were “many justifications” available for accelerating the naturalization process. Then, consulting prepared notes, she reeled off several: military service, medical skills, language skills, or serving “a pressing U.S. need.”

Reminded that hurrying up the citizenship process requires a specific request from the applicant, she asked rhetorically: “Who can you think of who’s more persuasive than President Trump?”

When a correspondent said, “So the ‘theoretical’ Israeli could become a U.S. citizen relatively quickly,” Huckabee Sanders said, “I don’t want to go there.” But she noted that the President would be visiting the Holy Land later this month and –“if there really is an Israeli he’s considering for the post of FBI director, he’ll be able to meet with him during his visit.”

Asked about another unconfirmed report – that the President’s list of candidates for the FBI appointment included his son-in-law, Jared Kushner – she declared, “I’m not getting into a discussion of every person who may or may not be under consideration by the President. Rest assured, it’s going to be someone outstanding ….someone, like our President – strong like Samson, decisive like Solomon.”

Of all possible candidates, Falafel seems to be the favorite. “Israelis incredible people,” Trump wrote in a new tweet. “Very smart. Very courageous. Don’t take any nonsense. Never circumvent the chain of command.”

He commented that Falafel had participated in some of Israel’s greatest cases. “Always brave and perfectly loyal to his government – perfectly. Ideal type to make FBI great again.”

When a reporter cited President Trump’s latest comments about Falafel, the acting press secretary said that the Israeli “has no hang-ups about what you folks keep dragging out – Russia and Putin, and the Trump campaign – instead of concentrating on what’s important to the American people.

“He’s not at all interested,” she continued,  “in  any so-called collision between the Russians and our President’s campaign.

“Collusion,” a correspondent said, correcting her.

Whatever,” Sanders said, and called on another reporter.

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San Diego Jewish World assures readers who are new to freelance writer Joel Cohen’s “Just Kidding” columns that they are satirical and should not be taken seriously.