Humoring the headlines: July 26, 2017

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO−Anthony Scaramucci has been appointed the White House Communications Director prompting Sean Spicer to resign his position as Press Secretary.  In his first press conference, Scaramucci effused about his love for President Trump and his athletic prowess.  What a difference between Spicer, the gruff curmudgeon who rarely spoke with Trump, and Scaramucci, the slick grifter whose rivals for Trump’s affections are Steve Bannon and Melania.

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In his written deposition and interview with congressional staffers, Jared Kushner blamed his assistant for omitting his contacts with Russian officials and seventy assets respectively on his security clearance form and financial disclosure statement.  When asked why there has been little progress in peace talks between Israel and the Palestinians, he charged the same assistant with forgetting to include peace as an agenda item for the negotiations.

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Donald Trump shocked the press by delivering a political speech at the National Boy Scouts Jamboree.  When he was off camera, he engaged in some locker room talk with the scouts telling them, “When you’re an Eagle Scout, you can do anything.  You can grab a Girl Scout by her cookies.  They let you do it, and, if you wait around, they’ll give you S’mores.”

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President Trump claimed that he was the most presidential president since Abraham Lincoln and would be immortalized on Mt. Rushmore.  It shouldn’t be difficult to carve his head into the mountain side since he already has rocks for brains and a face that looks like it is held together by plaster.

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Trump expressed disappointment in Attorney General Jeff Sessions for recusing himself from the Russia investigation, not investigating Hillary Clinton, or ferreting out leakers.  Yet Trump has not fired Sessions.  Indeed, he has redecorated the AG’s office with Southern memorabilia like nooses and tar and feathers to make him feel at home.

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.