Categorized | Baron_Lawrence, Lighter Side

Humoring the headlines: October 8, 2017

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO−Gun sales have spiked in the wake of the Las Vegas massacre and renewed calls for gun control.  In a poll conducted about why people were purchasing more guns now, here are some of the most common responses.


“The Democrats plan to amend the constitution to allow Obama to run for a third-term.  If he wins, he’ll be back to take our guns away and arm Kenya.


“We need all the semi-automatic rifles we can get our hands on to defend against Little Rocket Man’s missiles, ISIS, and the police if they pull us over for a broken taillight.”


“The only thing that can stop a mass shooter with 23 guns firing at people below from his high-rise hotel room is someone with 23 guns staying next door to him.


The Founding Fathers created the Second Amendment to guarantee our right to mow down crowds of people and herds of animal with modified high-capacity semi-automatics rifles.


“Don’t regulate Bump Stocks.  That’s the only way I can make money through insider trading.”


“I will kill anyone aborting a fetus because I believe in the sanctity of life.”


“We shouldn’t require universal background checks.  Many mass shooters are fine people.”


Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via [email protected]. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.

Click here for reuse options!
Copyright 2017 San Diego Jewish World

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Please help us defray the costs of providing this free service with your non-tax-deductible contribution in any amount

Most recent 100 posts


Follow this blog

Email address