Categorized | Baron_Lawrence, Lighter Side

Humoring the headlines: October 8, 2017

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO−Gun sales have spiked in the wake of the Las Vegas massacre and renewed calls for gun control.  In a poll conducted about why people were purchasing more guns now, here are some of the most common responses.

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“The Democrats plan to amend the constitution to allow Obama to run for a third-term.  If he wins, he’ll be back to take our guns away and arm Kenya.

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“We need all the semi-automatic rifles we can get our hands on to defend against Little Rocket Man’s missiles, ISIS, and the police if they pull us over for a broken taillight.”

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“The only thing that can stop a mass shooter with 23 guns firing at people below from his high-rise hotel room is someone with 23 guns staying next door to him.

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The Founding Fathers created the Second Amendment to guarantee our right to mow down crowds of people and herds of animal with modified high-capacity semi-automatics rifles.

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“Don’t regulate Bump Stocks.  That’s the only way I can make money through insider trading.”

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“I will kill anyone aborting a fetus because I believe in the sanctity of life.”

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“We shouldn’t require universal background checks.  Many mass shooters are fine people.”

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via [email protected]. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.

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Copyright 2017 San Diego Jewish World

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