Categorized | Baron_Lawrence, Lighter Side, USA

Humoring the headlines: November 28, 2017

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO−Since it’s the Holiday season, I’m willing to give President Trump a second chance to honor the Navajo Code Talkers rather than offend them by calling Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas,” but when I imagine what he’d probably say, I fear he’d bungle it again.

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President Trump: “Though I make a point to never utter the words ‘I’m sorry,’ I have asked you back again to this powwow to assure you that I consider you American war heroes (and you weren’t captured like some other so-called war heroes) and that I respect you and your fellow redskins because as you can see, I’m a redskin too.  We have so much in common.  We own casinos.  Next to gold, my favorite color is Navajo white.  You have chiefs, and, I am the commander and chief.  We both wear headdresses.  I feel flattered that in the past you would have treasured my scalp.  When I mentioned “Pocahontas,” it was my way of putting my “War-ren paint on,” if you get my drift.  Actually, I greatly admire Sacajawea who helped guide Lewis and Clark to all the places the United States would annex to fulfill its manifest destiny.  She was such a fine squaw, and I’d never grab her with my paw!  You see I can be quite poetic when I try.  While you are here, I wanted to learn more about your code.  You used smoke signals, didn’t you?  You fooled the Japanese who are my economic enemies too.  I might enlist you braves again to send encrypted messages to Chief Hacking Putin.   Think of today’s meeting as my attempt to break an arrow and smoke a peace pipe with your tribe in the tradition of Andrew Jackson.  I promise I won’t ever take away your reservations and medals.  I’m no Indian giver!

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via [email protected]. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.

 

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Copyright 2017 San Diego Jewish World

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