Categorized | Cohen_Joel_H., Lighter Side

‘Just kidding:’ Trump to make Chanukah great again

By Joel H. Cohen

Joel H. Cohen

NEW YORK — Determined to “make Judaism great again,” President Trump said his first step is bringing Chanukah “to its full potential.”

He’s already begun moving toward that goal by ordering the construction of extra-large wooden and plastic dreidels for the White House, Mar-a- Lago, Trump Tower in New York City and other Trump properties throughout the nation.

Ordinarily, the traditional four-sided spinning tops, used in Chanukah games by youngsters, have letters of the Hebrew alphabet, which, in Israel, stand for “a great miracle happened here,” and, outside of Israel, “a great miracle happened there.

But Trump’s dreidels at the White House will spell out the English words, “A great miracle happened here” and, at facilities away from the White House “A great miracle happened there.”

And while the miracle referred to by traditional dreidels is the phenomenon of a one-day supply of oil lasting eight says, the miracle that Trump’s refer to is his election to the presidency.

The side panels of the Trump dreidels are each 18 inches square, one of the project’s (undocumented) artisans reported.

Another Chanukah staple almost received the Trump touch. In a nod to a favorite food staple of the holiday, the president planned to prevail on McDonald’s to fill its Big Macs (a favorite food of his) with the addition of a latke.

But he reluctantly gave up the idea when his daughter and son-in-law convinced him that McDonald’s offerings would be incompatible with Jewish dietary laws.

“The latkes would have made it a Very Big Mac,” the president quipped. ”Or a Big Maccabee.”

On the subject of the historic Maccabees (who, Trump originally thought were Irish or Scottish), the president is sticking to his guns, so to speak. He repeated a thought he’d expressed earlier this year — that if they’d had a Second Amendment right to carry heavy weapons, “they would have finished their job a lot sooner.”

The president has already urged putting the “Ch back in Chanukah,” and as early as this past January, discussed plans for expanding the celebration of the holiday at the White House..

Trump said then, “Unlike the pathetic way the Obama administration marked this amazing Jewish holiday, the great oilmen who made a one-day celebration into eight days deserve a great celebration.”

Accordingly, he’s having a 20-foot-high menorah custom-built, in gold, bearing the Trump name. It will be mounted at the White House in such a way “that it can be seen for miles by everyone. ”And because,” he said, “it will be part of an American landscape, it will have holders for 13 candles, representing the original colonies.

“it will be the most incredible display ever seen,” he predicted.

In an interview with Fox News, the president said his sons were still working out the details of how large the monetary contributions will have to be for wealthy donors to be invited to light a candle. ”It’s a matter of religious liberty,” he commented.

He reported, too, that his lawyer were still investigating whether it would be legal for him to open a few casinos for the Chanukah observance, in which slot machines and craps tables would be devoted strictly to dreidel symbols and actual dreidels.

Trump repeated his earlier assertion that the celebration he’s planning will last for a month, with galas and dinners featuring traditional food. “It’s going to create hundreds of jobs, hundreds, probably thousands, for goldsmiths, apple-growers, latke-bakers. All Americans.”

“.”

“A great holiday, which, thanks to me, will have the greatest celebration in history.”

Next target: Purim.

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San Diego Jewish World assures readers who are new to freelance writer Joel Cohen’s “Just Kidding” columns that they are satirical and should not be taken seriously.

 

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