Categorized | Cohen_Joel_H., Lighter Side

‘Just Kidding:’ Trump kvells over his Chanukah party

By Joel H. Cohen

Joel H. Cohen

NEW YORK — Remember the song, “It’s My Party and I’ll Cry if I Want To’?

What brings it to mind is the report of attendance at President Trump’s recent Chanukah party. Anyone who’s hosted a celebration and had many on the guest list ignore or turn down the invitation, can probably empathize.

Quite a few of the luminaries the president asked to his event declined the offer, many because they were unhappy with the consequences of his announcement of recognizing Jerusalem as Israel’s capital..

Others – among them, Democratic legislators and prominent Jews — were deliberately left off the president’s guest list because they’d been critical of either his Jerusalem pronouncement or his remarks about the Charlottesville, Virginia, protest rally. So attendance fell short of expectations.

But, dry-eyed, the president made the most of the event, five days before the holiday began, treating it as if everyone invited had agreed to attend. He entered the party to cheers, then talked about the origins of Chanukah,  (not pronouncing the ‘Ch’), and complimented the Jewish people for their faith and resilience.

The president had his grandchildren light two Menorahs in the room, while guests enjoyed kosher snacks, wine  and child-oriented games, including dreidel and Pin the Tail on the Donkey.  He’d originally considered putting the face of a political rival or an out of-favor cabinet member as the donkey’s  head, but finally settled on the animal as just a representation of the Democratic Party.

The president had also planned a game of Spin the Bottle, but ultimately agreed with an adviser that it could have led to charges of improper conduct.

A highlight of the event was the President’s recounting of dreams he’d recently experienced. He’d been influenced, he said, by the account of the Biblical Joseph’s dreams detailed in a recent Torah portion, recounted to him by his daughter Ivanka and son-in-law Jared. (As with previous Bible stories they’d read to the president, they hoped it would help him sleep through the early-morning hours when he invariably posted controversial tweets.)

Just as Joseph dreamed about his brothers’ sheaves of grain bowing down to his, and the sun, the moon and 11 stars bowing to him, Trump envisioned himself as the object of adoration in his own dreams.

Combining both dreams of Joseph, Trump imagined the dictator of North Korea, Kim Jung-Un, as the man in the moon, and British prime minister, Theresa May, in the sun. Among the stars bowing down to him and owners of grain sheaves subservient to him in his combination dream were Hillary Clinton, Steve Bannon, Barack Obama, former FBI head James Comey, Senators Chuck Schumer, Kirsten Gillibrand, John McCain, Jeff Flake, Richard Shelby and Bob Corker, and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi

Back on the subject of Joseph, Trump lauded his apparent good looks and great will-power, resisting the advances of Potiphar’s wife.” Not everybody would have had that willpower,” he commented, “unless she wasn’t a perfect 10, or at the very least, a 9. Otherwise, not everyone could have resisted.”

Days later,  still delighted about the party, the president cited remarks by Roy Moore’s wife, Kayla, at a rally on the eve of the Alabama Senate election, which her husband lost. “Fake news,” she said , “would tell you that we don’t care for Jews. I tell you all this because I’ve seen it all and I just want to set the record straight while they’re all here.”

To applause from a portion of the audience, she declared,  “One of our attorneys is a Jew. We have very close friends that are Jewish and rabbis, and we also [have] fellowship with them.”

Trump said, “if that’s something to brag about, look at the incredibly wonderful turnout of Jews we had at our party..

“A remarkable, great turnout, a fantastic, great people, and a once-again great holiday, thanks to you-know-who.”

*

San Diego Jewish World assures readers who are new to freelance writer Joel Cohen’s “Just Kidding” columns that they are satirical and should not be taken seriously.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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