Categorized | Baron_Lawrence, Lighter Side

Humoring the headlines: December 18, 2017

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO−The Trump Administration has asked the Centers for Disease Control to stop using the words “diversity,” “fetus,” “transgender,”  “science-based” and “evidence-based.”  It will replace diversity with labeled homogeneity-challenged, fetus with in utero little person, transgender with perverse abomination, science-based with empirical hoax, and evidence-based with fabricated.


The Department of Energy will be mandated to refer to coal as black uranium, fracking as liberating oil from its subterranean storage tanks, solar power as alien hot stuff, and wind power generators as bird killers.


The Department of Health and Human Services will substitute freeloaders for welfare recipients, hypochondriacs for people suffering from preexisting conditions, uninsured for anyone currently qualifying for Medicaid, and infanticide for abortion.


The Federal Communications Commission will call net neutrality net profit, licensing pay for airplay, and broadcasting laud-casting.


The Department of Housing and Urban Development has eliminated the term low-income projects in favor of entry-level Trump Towers, slum in favor of potential gentrification zone, and housing discrimination in favor of being discriminating about whom prospective tenants are.


If President Trump gets reelected in 2020, he plans to change to rename the country to the United States of Restored Greatness and the currency will carry the slogan, “In Don We Trust.”


Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via [email protected]. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.



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