Categorized | Baron_Lawrence, Lighter Side

Humoring the headlines: December 30, 2017


By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO−San Diego Jewish World’s editor Don Harrison and his wife Nancy are about to celebrate their golden wedding anniversary.  Congratulations to both of them!  The publication will be on a hiatus throughout January and February, resuming March 1st.  My final column of this year predicts what will happen in the interim.


North Korea will fire off another intercontinental ballistic missile test.  Donald Trump will fire off another inflammatory tweet about North Korea’s leader.  I will fire my gardener and hire a contractor to build a bomb shelter in my back yard.


Fox News will escalate its attacks on Robert Mueller and charge that he was having an affair with Hillary Clinton who seduced him by promising to read him her titillating missing emails.


This is what the new tax law touted as a “giant middle-class tax cut” will look like: Someone earning $50,000 annually will have his/her taxes cut by approximately $570; someone earning $100,000 annually will have his/her taxes cut by $2,260, and someone earning $1,000,000 annually will have his/her taxes cut by $69,660.  Using their savings, the first will buy a 55 inch flat screen television; the second will purchase a 22 cubic foot stainless steel refrigerator, and the third will buy a Jaguar XF.  To paraphrase Marx, “From each according to his or her utility, to each according to his or her greed.”


Jared Kushner will fail to broker peace between Palestinians and Israelis, but will demonstrate his impartiality by visiting the site of the planned railway station in Jerusalem which will be named after Donald Trump.  It is aptly located near the Dung Gate and as close to a big wall that the Trump Administration will get in the next two months.


Power will not be restored in Puerto Rico because as an unincorporated territory of the United States, Puerto Rico electorally has no power.  Nonetheless, Puerto Ricans have absorbent paper towels to wipe up spills of non-potable water in their unlighted homes.


Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via [email protected]. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.

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