Archive | Baron_Lawrence

Humoring the headlines: December 11, 2017

  By Laurie Baron SAN DIEGO-‘Twas Hanukkah eve, and in the White House, Donald Trump was tweeting, preparing to grouse. Insults of Bob Mueller were sent with great ire To warn him that one day he could be fired. The President fumed about his buddy Flynn Treated so poorly for his lying sin. Hillary should […]

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Humoring the headlines: December 6, 2017

By Laurie Baron SAN DIEGO -New Words from the First Year of the Trump Presidency * Excoaliate: Opening protected wilderness areas to mining operations. * Mooreonic: Endorsing an alleged pedophile for Senate because he supports your political agenda. * Adfibbing: Improvising lies to exonerate yourself. * Meception: Believing your own lies. * Twescalation: Exacerbating problems […]

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Humoring the headlines: December 2, 2017

By Laurie Baron SAN DIEGO−The Senate passed the President’s Tax Reform and Cut Bill fulfilling his campaign promise that no billionaire will be left behind. * President Trump has kept another campaign promise by saying Merry Christmas every opportunity he gets. He is so intent on fostering the Christmas spirit in Washington that he didn’t […]

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Humoring the headlines: November 28, 2017

By Laurie Baron SAN DIEGO−Since it’s the Holiday season, I’m willing to give President Trump a second chance to honor the Navajo Code Talkers rather than offend them by calling Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas,” but when I imagine what he’d probably say, I fear he’d bungle it again. * President Trump: “Though I make a point […]

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Humoring the headlines: November 24, 2017

By Laurie Baron SAN DIEGO−Ads for New Cyber Monday Websites: * Racebook.com:  Shopping around for derogatory epithets, memes, and slurs about your ethnic, racial, or religious inferiors.   Look no further than Racebook.com.  For the price of an annual subscription, you’ll always have the perfect caricature, stereotype, and term to demean your enemies.  Our slogan is-How […]

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Humoring the headlines: November 20, 2017

By Laurie Baron SAN DIEGO−First, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service announced it had lifted an Obama-era ban on importing sport-hunted trophies of elephants from Zimbabwe and Zambia.  President Trump initially agreed with the new policy but changed his mind because at first he thought the Obama policy banned the importation of trophy wives from Eastern […]

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Humoring the headlines: November 16, 2017

By Laurie Baron SAN DIEGO−Advisors to President Trump have come up with a way that the President can disavow Judge Roy Moore without implicating himself in similar scandals.  He’ll condemn pedophilia as long as it didn’t happen during a Miss Teen USA pageant. * Many evangelical pastors defended Judge Moore believing his denial of multiple […]

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Humoring the headlines: November 11, 2017

By Laurie Baron SAN DIEGO−“And in all of my years of public life, I have never obstructed justice.  People have got to know whether or not their president is a crook.  Well, I am not a crook.”    — Richard Nixon. * “I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky.”  –Bill Clinton […]

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Humoring the Headlines: November 8, 2017

  By Laurie Baron SAN DIEGO−President Trump sharply contrasted North Korean communism and South Korean capitalism in his speech yesterday.  North Korea is a dictatorial and impoverished hell.  South Korea is a prosperous paradise where Korean women can aspire to compete on one of his golf courses. * Responding to the mass shooting at a […]

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Humoring the headlines: October 25, 2017

By Laurie Baron SAN DIEGO-A federal judge ruled that the Justice Department cannot prevent an interned undocumented teen from having an abortion. Mike Pence has asked President Trump to issue an executive decree calling for the deportation of undocumented fetuses. * Melania Trump visited a school in Michigan to denounce cyber bullying. When The President […]

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Humoring the headlines: October 18, 2017

By Laurie Baron SAN DIEGO−Rex Tillerson refuses to confirm or deny whether he called President Trump a moron.  The more important issue is whether President Trump is a moron.  I will employ the moronic version of Jeff Foxworthy’s redneck test to determine if Trump is a moron. * He might be a moron if he […]

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Humoring the headlines: October 12, 2017

By Laurie Baron SAN DIEGO−The forest fires in Northern California have killed 23 people and destroyed 3,500 homes and businesses.  Even though it is not as bad as Katrina or Maria, why hasn’t President Trump visited to console the victims?  Unnamed sources say he looked at the electoral map and commented, “It’s so far and […]

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Humoring the headlines: October 8, 2017

By Laurie Baron SAN DIEGO−Gun sales have spiked in the wake of the Las Vegas massacre and renewed calls for gun control.  In a poll conducted about why people were purchasing more guns now, here are some of the most common responses. * “The Democrats plan to amend the constitution to allow Obama to run […]

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Humoring the headlines: October 4, 2017

By Laurie Baron SAN DIEGO−In a world where there are alternative facts, there is alternative history.  It is December 21, 1941.  The United States is reeling from the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor.  President Donald Trump has waited two weeks to visit the bombed naval base to bolster the morale of the sailors.   Here are […]

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