Archive | Cohen_Joel_H.

‘Just Kidding:’ Trump kvells over his Chanukah party

By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — Remember the song, “It’s My Party and I’ll Cry if I Want To’? What brings it to mind is the report of attendance at President Trump’s recent Chanukah party. Anyone who’s hosted a celebration and had many on the guest list ignore or turn down the invitation, can […]

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‘Just kidding:’ Trump to make Chanukah great again

By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — Determined to “make Judaism great again,” President Trump said his first step is bringing Chanukah “to its full potential.” He’s already begun moving toward that goal by ordering the construction of extra-large wooden and plastic dreidels for the White House, Mar-a- Lago, Trump Tower in New York City and […]

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‘Just Kiding:’ Trump names his Biblical heroes

By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — President Trump has just named his “top ten” heroes of Hebrew ancient history in an exclusive interview with Sedra Inquirer Magazine’s religion reporter. He was prepped for the session by his daughter Ivanka and son-in-law Jared, who read him Bible stories and accounts of other notable figures from […]

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‘Just Kidding’: If Bible Heroes Had Press Briefings

By Joel H Cohen NEW YORK –Have you ever wondered what a Bible figure’s press briefing would have been like? Well, here’s the recently discovered transcript of one given by King David’s press secretary, Ezekiel (Zeke). Publications represented included the Negev News, Gaza Gazette and Tiber Times. Reporters: Eli, Dan, Avi, and Nate. Zeke: Shalom. […]

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‘Just Kidding:’ Trump puts the ‘Ch’ back in ‘Chanukah’

By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — Anyone hearing strange, guttural sounds emanating from the White House, Trump Tower in New York or Mar-a-lago in Florida need not be concerned. There’s a logical explanation (sort of). It starts with President Trump’s recent – pardon the expression – crusade to get storekeepers and just about everyone […]

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‘Just Kidding’: Backlash to Naming Gefilte as U.S. Fish

  By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK–It really comes as no surprise. President Trump’s announcement – reported here only last week — that he planned to name the gefilte the U.S. national fish has drawn a wave of protests. Extolling the Jewish delicacy for its taste, flexibility, healthfulness, and other properties, the president said he […]

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‘Just Kidding’: Lawyers laud Trump for job creation

By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK– JLo, the Jewish Lawyers Organization – not to be confused with Jennifer Lopez, the actress – will honor President Trump and his administration for “incredible job creation,” namely for attorneys, many of them Jewish. A JLo official said: “Candidate Trump promised unbelievable strides in creating jobs. And now, President Trump […]

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‘Just Kidding’: Trump tries a Yom Kippur fast

By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK– To connect emotionally and politically with Jews everywhere, President Trump tried fasting on Yom Kippur this year. His decision to experience the nearly 27-hour ritual of self-denial came after aides discovered a highly controversial phrase in his first draft of a High Holy Day message to the Jewish community. The […]

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Fact- checking an old Jewish joke

By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK —  An old joke that’s resurfacing tells of a little boy coming home from school and excitedly telling his mother, “I got a part in the class play” “Great,” says his mom, “What character do you play?” “A Jewish husband,” the boy replied. “Well, you go right back and tell […]

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‘Just kidding’: Trump likes 2 High Holy Day customs

By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK–President Trump is so impressed with two Jewish customs described to him by his son-in-law, he’s urging even non-Jews to employ them. One of the pre-High Holy Day practices in question is tashlich, in which Jews symbolically cast their sins into flowing water with pieces of bread, usually on the […]

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As Judgment Day nears, let’s try being less judgmental

By Joel H Cohen NEW YORK — A popular old story tells of a Jewish woman on a New York City subway sitting next to a bearded man who’s wearing a black hat and long black clothing. After minutes of staring at the man, the woman can’t contain herself. “I don’t understand you people,” she […]

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‘Just kidding’: Trump’s Rosh Hashanah message

By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — President Trump salutes the Jewish people and threatens “sackcloth and ashes” for any person or group that does harm to a Jewish individual or people. These themes emerged in the just-leaked first draft of the president’s prepared Rosh Hashanah message to Jews everywhere. He dedicates his remarks “to […]

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‘Just kidding’: Trump, Putin discuss ‘Fiddler,’ borscht

  By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — Just revealed: borsht and a prospective U.S.-Russian production of Fiddler on the Roof were the main subjects discussed at the hitherto secret meeting between Presidents Trump and Putin at the G-20 meeting in Hamburg, Germany. Highlights of the session were released today by the Russian translator, the only […]

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Just Kidding: A Kohen’s life is not for sissies

By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — Although it’s a tremendous honor serving as the conduit for divine blessing, and though Aaron, our founding father, is cited in prayer as a paragon of peace, being a Kohen is not for sissies. Sure, there are perks –we’re called for the first aliyah (even the first two, […]

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