Archive | Cohen_Joel_H.

‘Just kidding’: Trump’s Rosh Hashanah message

By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — President Trump salutes the Jewish people and threatens “sackcloth and ashes” for any person or group that does harm to a Jewish individual or people. These themes emerged in the just-leaked first draft of the president’s prepared Rosh Hashanah message to Jews everywhere. He dedicates his remarks “to […]

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‘Just kidding’: Trump, Putin discuss ‘Fiddler,’ borscht

  By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — Just revealed: borsht and a prospective U.S.-Russian production of Fiddler on the Roof were the main subjects discussed at the hitherto secret meeting between Presidents Trump and Putin at the G-20 meeting in Hamburg, Germany. Highlights of the session were released today by the Russian translator, the only […]

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Just Kidding: A Kohen’s life is not for sissies

By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — Although it’s a tremendous honor serving as the conduit for divine blessing, and though Aaron, our founding father, is cited in prayer as a paragon of peace, being a Kohen is not for sissies. Sure, there are perks –we’re called for the first aliyah (even the first two, […]

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More bar than mitzvah?

By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — The trio celebrated in so many jokes — a priest, minister and rabbi — were discussing a mutual problem: how to rid their respective houses of worship of a stubborn family of squirrels who’d taken residence there. The priest and minister had valid ideas, but the topper came […]

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Shadchan weddings: ‘Have I got someone for you!’

By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — Ever since our patriarch Abraham dispatched a servant to find a wife for his son Isaac, arranged marriages have been a staple of Jewish life. (Isaac’s son Jacob did it on his own, and got two wives for just the price of 14 years of labor). From Biblical […]

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‘Just Kidding’: Trump conducts a presidential round table with synagogue leaders

By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — President Trump, often criticized for failing to act “presidential,” has reluctantly taken the advice of his daughter Ivanka and son-in-law Jared Kushner and convened a telephone conference of five shul presidents for their suggestions. The presidents, four men and a woman, are from various parts of the nation […]

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‘Just Kidding:’ If Ruth’s Moabite family wrote to her

By Joel H. Cohen (A Shavuot highlight is the reading of the Book of Ruth, a remarkable widow who, rather than return to her native Moab and her own family, chose to stay with her mother-in-law and accompany her on her spiritual and physical journey, adopting her people and religion. How Ruth’s family reacted to that […]

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‘Just Kidding’: Trump drops Decalogue Day

By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — Invoking his “great love” for his family, the Jewish people and Israel –“I can say the word now”  – President Trump planned to sign an executive order establishing a national Ten Commandments Day in honor of Shavuot. He wants to make the holiday “great again,” he said. But […]

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‘Just kidding:’ Talmudic doctrine could help Trump properties

By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK –Jared Kushner recently bounded happily into the Oval Office to share a plan he’d developed that he believed would protect Trump holdings from competition. He cited a controversy in Brooklyn, New York, involving two kosher pizza restaurants. The owner of the older, established restaurant contended that by moving across […]

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‘Just kidding:’ Israeli to head FBI?

  By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — President Trump is considering naming an Israeli to head the FBI, according to unidentified sources. The prospective nominee – nicknamed “Falafel” by Trump, presumably to preserve his anonymity – is reportedly a former member of Mossad, Israel’s secret intelligence service. While not confirming or denying the report, […]

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‘Just Kidding’: A Jewish fundraiser for the Wall

  By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK –Apparently frustrated with the inaction of what he called “pathetic, so-called Congress” on the wall he wants built between the United States and Mexico, President Trump has hired a Jewish fund-raising firm to conduct the drive for contributions to pay for it. Press secretary Sean Spicer said at […]

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‘Just Kidding’: Court rules chametz must be returned

  For background on this fanciful case, please see http://www.sdjewishworld.com/2017/04/19/just-kidding-he-wont-return-my-chametz/ By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — In sharply contested decisions, the U.S. Supreme Court has just ruled in the celebrated Moe v Donald case (“he won’t return my chametz”) and several related matters, dating back to Pesach a year ago. By a 5-4 vote, the […]

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‘Just Kidding’: He won’t return my chametz

By Joel H. Cohen   NEW YORK — A complicated legal matter dating back to Pesach a year ago, and stemming from a non-Jewish man’s refusal to return a Jewish man’s chametz he bought through a rabbi, is making its way through various appeal courts.  it could reach the U.S. Supreme Court, legal experts say. Known in […]

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Haggadahs of happy memory

By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — The approach of Pesach inevitably evokes a bundle of memories, as many related to haggadahs as to matzah-ball soup For instance, one year a long time ago, we were expecting a big crowd for the first seder that night. That morning (hate to leave things for the last […]

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