Archive | Cohen_Joel_H.

‘Just Kidding’: He won’t return my chametz

By Joel H. Cohen   NEW YORK — A complicated legal matter dating back to Pesach a year ago, and stemming from a non-Jewish man’s refusal to return a Jewish man’s chametz he bought through a rabbi, is making its way through various appeal courts.  it could reach the U.S. Supreme Court, legal experts say. Known in […]

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Haggadahs of happy memory

By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — The approach of Pesach inevitably evokes a bundle of memories, as many related to haggadahs as to matzah-ball soup For instance, one year a long time ago, we were expecting a big crowd for the first seder that night. That morning (hate to leave things for the last […]

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‘Just Kidding:’ Trump to unveil new seder

By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — President Trump is planning an “updated” seder, whose ancient writings will be modernized, and in which journalists and present and former staff members will play key roles Among those slated to ask the Four Questions are correspondents from Fox News, Breitbart,  Tass, and syndicated radio host Sean Hannity. When […]

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‘Just Kidding’: Like Samson, Trump cancels haircuts

By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — President Trump, channeling Samson, has concluded that his own hair — “along with my inborn smarts and great deal-making ability” — is a main source of his strength. And, remembering that the Biblical champion lost his physical power when Delilah conspired to have his hair shaved off, the […]

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‘Who’ are you wearing at the Purim party?

  By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — There may be more pressing reasons for concern out there, but right now we’re grappling with what to wear Purim night. If you think of the Megillah-reading as the Academy Awards, then you can logically regard the stairs or the pathway leading to the shul as the […]

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‘Just Kidding’: Purim treat is shaped wrong

By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — A secret report of an Israeli archeological team, just uncovered by our investigative reporters, reveals that Haman wore an oval-shaped hat, not a three-cornered one. Consequently, hamantashen, the three-cornered pastry named for the tyrant and enjoyed for centuries by Jews and non-Jews alike, can no longer be considered authentic […]

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‘Just Kidding:’ Trump takes C.H.A.R.M. course

By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — President Trump has completed the intensive behavior-modification course of the Jewish C.H.A.R.M School — an intervention institute dedicated to teaching Courtesy, Humility and Rage-Management to at-risk clients. The confidential, on-site organization, comprised of rabbis and Jewish psychologists and sociologists, uses Jewish writings (such as Pirkei Avot –the Ethics […]

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‘Just kidding’: Bannon converting to Judaism

By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — Stephen Bannon, President Trump’s controversial Chief Strategist, is planning to convert to Judaism, Administration sources revealed today. President Trump said he approved of Bannon’s decision, commenting, “Remember, Ivanka converted…and she’s delighted that she did. In fact, I’m encouraging her to make a deal for the synagogue store to carry […]

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‘Just Kidding’: Strumpets to entertain Jewish audiences

  By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — President Trump has signed an executive order establishing an all-female singing group– the Ms.Strumpets —  to entertain Jewish audiences. Press secretary Sean Spicer said at a press briefing that it was the first in a series of initiatives aimed at minority groups in  the nation.  The President […]

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Saying kaddish can have its lighter moments

By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — There’s something about helping out with a minyan, especially to enable someone to say kaddish, that draws even some of the least observant among us, as does the obligation to say say kaddish itself. And, as solemn a mitzvah it is, there sometimes are humorous sidelights. When my father died in […]

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Now its owner will kippa the lost yarmulka

By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — A  nephew called me in Staten Island, NY, from his home in North Carolina, some 500 miles away. to ask whether we shopped at a particular supermarket chain. “Very often,” I replied, hoping that maybe he’d seen our names on a list of prize-winners.. But he was a […]

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The (potential) joys of Jewish guilt

By Joel H. Cohen   NEW YORK — The story is told of a man in New York calling his aged mother in Florida. When she answers, he says, “Ma, you sound weak. What’s the problem?” “No problem. I just haven’t had anything to eat in two days.” “Why not?” the son asks, genuinely concerned. “I […]

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‘Just Kidding’: Trump’s first White House Chanukah

By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — President-elect Donald J. Trump is planning to make next year’s Chanukah celebration a memorable one. “New Deal? Fair Deal? This will be the Big Deal.” He has already predicted he would build a shul in the White House, with a beautiful mechitza that women would pay for. In […]

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Grudges are forever

By Joel H. Cohen NEW YORK — “My grandmother has forgotten everything,” an Italian comedian joked,”except her grudges.” The funny-sad comment rings true for a lot of folks, and not just Italians or grandmothers. Among champion grudge-holders are some of our own people, of all ages and both genders (though men seem to have a […]

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