Trump’s Proposed Amendments to the Bill of Rights
By Laurie Baron
Amendment II: No regulations shall infringe on the right of citizens to own guns, bazookas, tanks, and rocket launchers just in case any future president try to take their weapons away.
Amendment III: No soldier shall be quartered in any house when there are vacancies in Trump hotels.
Amendment IV: Citizens shall be secure from Muslim terrorists and Mexican drug dealers, murderers, and rapists.
Amendment V: No one shall be compelled to tell the truth.
Amendment VI: In all criminal and civil prosecutions, wealthy people shall enjoy the right to sue for such outrageous sums that no one who is lower- or middle-class can afford the legal costs.
Amendment VII: In common law suits, where the value in controversy is under a thousand dollars, cases shall be dropped, because frankly that’s bupkes.
Amendment VIII: Excessive bail shall be mandatory for unpopular minority groups.
Amendment IX: The enumeration in the Constitution shall not deny my children the right and whatever extremists I appoint to non-cabinet positions to advise me.
Amendment X: The powers not delegated to the United States or the states by the Constitution are reserved for the Trump Organization, Goldman-Sachs, and Exxon-Mobil.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.