By Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D., in El Cajon, California
As we get closer to the High Holidays, a time of reflection, renewal, devoted to prayer and forgiveness, I find myself thinking about what it means to really look at ourselves.
This time of year naturally brings up memories from the past year, the things we are proud of, the things we wish we had handled differently, and the relationships we may want to repair. It can be an emotional time. But I don’t think we are meant to spend these days criticizing ourselves or making a list of everything that went wrong. I think we are being given an opportunity to pause, be honest with ourselves, and think about how we want to live in the year ahead. We can also think about all that went right.
This week’s parshiot, Nitzavim and Vayeilech, speak directly to that idea. We hear the powerful words, “I have put before you life and death, blessing and curse. Choose life.” We hear those words every year, but perhaps they can mean something a little different each time we hear them. Choosing life is not only about asking Hashem for good health or hoping that everything will go our way. It is about the choices we make every day. It is about how we treat the people we love, how we respond when things don’t go our way, what we give our attention to, and what kind of person we are trying to become.
I am especially drawn to the opening words of Nitzavim: “Atem nitzavim hayom”—“You are standing today, all of you, before Hashem your G-d.” The word “today” seems so important. We all carry our past with us. We have made mistakes. We have disappointed ourselves and, at times, probably disappointed others. There are things we wish we could do over. But the Torah brings us back to today. We cannot change yesterday, but we can make a different choice today. That is where teshuvah begins.
I also find it comforting that the Torah tells us, “It is not in heaven.” The change we are looking for is not somewhere far away or beyond our reach. It is close to us. Sometimes we make self-improvement much more complicated than it needs to be. We make a long list of everything we want to change and expect ourselves to become a completely different person when the new year begins. Then, when we don’t live up to all those expectations, we feel discouraged.
Maybe we can approach it differently this year. Instead of trying to change everything, we can choose one thing that really matters. Maybe we need to listen more carefully to someone we love. Maybe we need to be more patient with someone who is difficult for us. Maybe we need to apologize. Maybe we need to make more time for family, friends, prayer, or Torah. Maybe we need to stop holding on to something that has been weighing us down. These are small changes, but they can have a real impact on our lives.
The Torah also reminds us that we are standing there “all of you.” Everyone is included. That matters because none of us lives in isolation. We need other people, and other people need us. As we enter the High Holidays, I think about how important it is to make room for one another. Our Jewish community includes people with different backgrounds, different levels of observance, different opinions, and different ways of expressing their Judaism.
We don’t have to agree with one another all the time. We would be wise, however, to remember that the person sitting next to us is just as worthy of respect and dignity as we are.
That may be one of the hardest forms of self-improvement. It is easy to think about what someone else needs to change. It is much harder to ask ourselves how we can be more understanding, more patient, and less judgmental. Perhaps this year we can try to look for the good in people before looking for what is wrong with them.
Nachmanides reminds us that our responsibility does not end with our own spiritual growth. If we have something meaningful to offer another person, we should share it. That could mean helping someone feel more connected to Judaism. It could mean inviting someone who feels uncomfortable or left out to be part of the community. It could simply mean being there for someone who needs a friend. Our own growth becomes more meaningful when it helps someone else.
I think the Baal Shem Tov’s teaching about the divine sparks speaks to this as well. Each of us has something unique to contribute. We all have qualities, experiences, talents, and strengths that can bring something good into the world. We don’t always recognize those things in ourselves. Sometimes other people see them before we do.
Perhaps part of our work during this season is to ask ourselves what we have to give. What is the good that comes naturally to us? What do people come to us for? Where can we make a difference? It doesn’t have to be something dramatic. Sometimes it is as simple as listening, encouraging, teaching, helping, comforting, or making someone feel that they matter.
And then there is Vayeilech, “and he went.” Moses knows that his leadership is coming to an end. He knows that his life is changing. Yet he continues forward. I find that very meaningful as we enter a new year. We don’t always know what is ahead. Some of us are entering the year with excitement, while others may be carrying worries, losses, or uncertainty. Still, we move forward.
We don’t need to enter Rosh Hashanah with everything figured out. We don’t need to have solved every problem or corrected every mistake. We can simply acknowledge where we are and think about where we want to go.
Maybe that is what “choose life” is really asking of us. Not to become perfect, but to become a little more aware of the choices we are making. To pay attention to the way we speak to people. To be willing to apologize. To forgive when we can. To reach out. To let go when it is time. To appreciate the people who are already in our lives. To make room for more kindness, more connection, and more meaning.
The Torah gives us something powerful in Nitzavim-Vayeilekh: a glimpse of what the future could look like, but not a guarantee of what it will be. The Israelites are shown both possibilities, blessing and curse, life and death, closeness to G-d or distance from Him. And then Hashem says, “Choose life.” After so many commandments telling them what to do, this time Hashem places the choice in their hands. They have to decide who they want to be.
That feels incredibly relevant to us today. We live with so much uncertainty, change, and anxiety, and sometimes it can feel like the world is beyond our control. Like our ancestors, we stand at a crossroads without knowing exactly what lies ahead. But we are reminded that even when we cannot control the future, we can still choose how we walk into it, with faith, kindness, courage, community, and a commitment to what is right.
The Israelites did not always make the right choices, and neither do we. But Hashem continually gives us another opportunity to choose blessing and to choose life. We may not know what tomorrow will bring, but we can decide what we bring into tomorrow. In this moment, as individuals and as a community, the choice is still before us: life or death, blessing or curse. May we have the courage, faith, and strength to keep choosing life. And when we don’t get it right, we try again.
That is what makes this time of year so hopeful. We are not being told that we have failed because we are imperfect. We are being reminded that we have the ability to return, to change direction, and to begin again.
As we enter the High Holidays, may we have the courage to look honestly at ourselves without being too hard on ourselves. May we recognize the good that is already within us and those around us, and find ways to bring more of it into the world.
May we strengthen the relationships that matter, make room for people who feel left out, and remember that every person has something valuable to offer. Perhaps the words of Rav Eliyahu Dessler may add to the good we can experience at this time…” If you make an effort to help everyone you meet, you will feel close to everyone. A stranger is someone you have not yet helped. By doing acts of kindness for everyone, you can fill your world with friends and loved ones.” Remind yourself that your world stands on the selfless caring of others.
Most of all, may we truly choose life, not only by asking for a good year, but by choosing, in our everyday lives, the things that make life richer, kinder, more meaningful, and more connected.
Ketivah v’chatimah tovah. May we all be written and sealed for a good year, filled with health, peace, love, meaningful relationships, and the strength to keep growing. A gut gebentsht yohr, a good and blessed year.
*
Michael R. Mantell, Ph,D., prepares a weekly D’var Torah for Young Israel of San Diego, where he and his family are members. They are also active members of Congregation Adat Yeshurun.