By Shayna Kaufmann
SAN DIEGO — Tomorrow, March 3rd, I turn 59. It is mostly significant because it is the eve of 60. Now that’s a wow number. Me? 60? But, I’m not there yet. I am grateful for every year around the sun, despite the larger numbers. It is a gift we are not all blessed to receive. And, each year feels increasingly precious as I am equally aware that this gift of aging could be taken from me at any moment.
So much of my work is about the gifts that come with age, and the invitation to widen our awareness to notice and enjoy them. Among others, there are our age-earned gifts of greater wisdom, self-awareness, and resilience. There are the also the gifts that come from more life experiences – traveling to new places, doing things beyond our comfort zone, and embarking on midlife callings, be it career changes, relationship shifts, or self-discovery journeys.
As I welcome my 59th birthday, here are a few reflections on my past year:
–Persevere toward your goals. Do not let self-doubt, the limiting belief of no time, perfectionism, or unexpected obstacles stop you. I will publish my book this fall. Partly due to all of those hurdles listed above, it is years past when I anticipated its completion. It will actually be ready sooner, but I have been advised that summer is not a good time to launch, so I am adding patience as another growing edge of this process. The journey towards its completion has been rich and, I now understand, as important as the finished product. So, go for your goals!
–Enjoy your time with your kids and other family members. They, and we, won’t be around forever. I have loved the transition of my more mature relationship with my now young adult daughters. I am still their mom but my role is different and our conversations more adult. I do my best to honor their choices, even if I disagree with them, and I always tell them that I love them.
–Carve out solo time. I traveled to Barcelona on my own last October, my first solo trip since my 20s. I loved it. I could afford to stay in a nice hotel instead of a hostel, did whatever I wanted on my timeline, and found the lessened visibility of middle age to be liberating. You don’t have to go to Europe to do this – spend a day or night in nature, treat yourself to a beach day with a book and a journal, or go to a spa and indulge. The goal is to spend some precious time with yourself.
–Do what you love. I had a 360-degree career pivot at age 50, when I left a successful career as a forensic psychologist and university adjunct faculty member to start Embrace the Middle. This past year, my 20th as a meditation practitioner, I received my Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certification. I love what I do! My Thursday morning meditation group is a highlight of my week, I love teaching meditation 1:1, and my heart overflows when I facilitate events and workshops. It is never too late to change to something you truly love!
–Lastly, replace self-criticism with self-compassion. It feels so much better. I know first-hand.
During my monthly women’s group last week, we were sharing our thoughts on aging. Our experiences varied – one was proud over making the necessary decision to divorce and excited about her new beginnings, one was scared of aging, one felt older coming out of a few years of both a cancer diagnosis/treatment and deaths of loved ones, and others felt more at peace and content. I feel both more settled than I have ever and a pressing need to address my deepest, core challenges. Midlife is all of that! It is a tapestry of endings and beginnings, gifts and challenges, excitement and fear.
Wherever you are in your midlife trajectory, I wish you joy, fulfillment, and encouragement to follow your heart and persevere with your desires. Thank you for being a part of my 58th year.
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Dr. Shayna Kaufmann, a psychologist, received her mindfulness teacher training through Dharma Moon and Tibet House US. She leads meditation workshops and retreats and teaches mindfulness individually.