SAN DIEGO — A few weeks ago, I wrote about The Healing Power of Being Heard. Since then, I’ve received beautiful reflections from many of you, which is proof that this truth resonates deeply: we don’t need fixing, we just need to be heard with loving, nonjudgmental presence. But, to be really heard is not just about you speaking your truth to a quiet listener. It also depends on the quality of attention of the listener. If we bare our soul, only to be met with indifference, or even worse, “sorry, what did you say?” the experience can backfire.
This begs the question of how can we become better listeners? How can we give others the precious gift of our mindful attention? I’ve gathered a few gems, in different modalities, that explore the theme of listening. Let me know what you think!
Quote:
“Feeling listened to and understood changes our physiology; being able to articulate a complex feeling, and having our feelings recognized, lights up our limbic brain and creates an ‘ah ha’ moment.” —Bessel van der Kolk
Articles:
Krista Tippett: On Generous Listening and Asking Better Questions. I love the term “generous listening,” which Krista Tippett describes as powered by curiosity, vulnerability, patience, and a willingness to be surprised. This is indeed a generous gift to give or receive.
Being a Very Good Listener by Shoba Sreenivasan, Ph.D., and Linda E. Weinberger, Ph.D, This article, in Psychology Today, discusses active listening and suggestions for effective listening.
On Audio
My Stroke of Insight, by Jill Bolte Taylor
This TED Talk is absolutely extraordinary! In case I’m not the only person to have missed this, Jill, a brain scientist, shares her incredible story of surviving a stroke and her experience of functioning with one hemisphere of the brain. It’s hard not to listen to this with all of your presence.
What I’m Reading
The Women, by Kristin Hannah. I loved this eye-opening book about a young woman serving as a nurse in the Vietnam War. The novel gives voice to a generation of women whose experiences in Vietnam and post-Vietnam, were overlooked, minimized, or silenced. It was a powerful story to read and reminds us how vital it is to put aside preconceived judgments and listen—truly listen—to one another’s stories.
What I Watched
If there’s one project that captures the heart of listening, it’s Story Corps. This amazing nonprofit records everyday people sharing their stories, typically with a loved one or close friend. There’s also a short, animated movie highlighting six stories, fittingly called Listening as an Act of Love. So touching!
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Shayna Kaufmann is an author, blogger and freelance writer based in San Diego.