The Third Presidential Debate-TGIO
By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO─ Trump supporters were impressed with how much their candidate had matured since the second debate. He managed not to stalk Hillary Clinton when she was speaking, waited nearly thirty minutes before interrupting her, and did not label her the devil.
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Hillary Clinton supported legal abortion as a woman’s right to choose. Donald Trump reiterated his pro-life stance and vowed to save babies from being ripped out of their mother’s wombs referencing the surgical procedure currently practiced by physicians. When he turned to the Second Amendment, he suggested implanting tiny derringers in the hands of fetuses so they could protect themselves from Planned Parenthood.
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Once again Donald Trump denied that he had ever sexually assaulted a woman and denounced the women who have accused him of doing so as liars with no evidence. No one respects women more than him with the exception of Bill Cosby. Given the difficulty of proving sexual assault, Hillary Clinton proposed that all women be equipped with body cams and DNA kits.
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Donald Trump called Hillary Clinton “such a nasty woman.” He added that she’s so nasty he wouldn’t ever be tempted to grope her and speculated that this was why Bill outsourced his sexual affairs.
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Donald Trump refused to answer whether he would give a concession speech if he lost the election. Today he declared that he would honor the results if he won, but if he doesn’t, he plans to deliver a secession speech and invite Vladimir Putin to militarily intervene on his behalf.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.