The Weekly Teeter
By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO−The Democratic National Committee winnowed down the field of its presidential candidates to twenty to participate in two debates of ten at a time. The DNC has decided to hold the debates on the old set of Hollywood Squares enabling each candidate to have a bathroom break while the other nine remain on stage.
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President Trump celebrated his 73rd birthday. His closest advisors hope that the upcoming year will be the one when he finally matures. After a raunchy party where Melania consented to hold hands briefly with him, he watched Call Me by Your Name to demonstrate his support for Gay Pride Month. Now he is doubly worried about what being impeached entails.
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Sarah Huckabee Sanders announced her retirement, but will not leave office until the strings attached to her vocal chords are surgically removed. Thereafter she plans to take a long trip to search for her voice.
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The United States blamed Iran for an attack on two tankers in the Gulf of Oman proving its claim with video footage showing an Iranian patrol boat removing what was purportedly an unexploded mine from one of the ship’s hulls. Although he failed to explain how removing a mine constitutes an aggressive act, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo proposed adding patrol boats and mines to any new arms deal negotiated with Iran.
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After Trump told George Stephanopoulos that there was nothing illegal about receiving opposition research on political rivals from a foreign national or government, Nancy Pelosi continued to insist that there still was not sufficient evidence to begin impeachment hearings. Upon hearing her response, Trump purchased a gun in advance of shooting someone on Fifth Avenue.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.