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Satire: Good for the Gander

July 2, 2024

By Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO — Although he denounced the Supreme Court’s presidential immunity decision, Biden should consider invoking it if Trump wins the election.  Then he should implement these policies:

Order the Department of Justice to impound all voting machines on the grounds that so many people touched them, they harbor potentially fatal diseases that endanger the public health. That determination will be made by the CDC which Biden will order to do so. This can’t be challenged this since it is an official act of a president commanding an agency that falls within the purview of the Executive Branch of the government.

Order the FBI to arrest Trump on the grounds that he poses an existential threat to American democracy and security if presidential powers are transferred to him on January 20, 2025.

Expropriate all of Trump’s properties and those of billionaires to serve as housing for the homeless since homelessness has reached crisis levels necessitating the kind of “bold and energetic action” the Supreme Court believes presidents must wield.

Issue an Executive Order granting undocumented immigrants citizenship if they have resided in the United States for four years or more, have not been convicted of a crime, and have paid taxes.  Schedule the do-over presidential election for January 1st to enable them to vote in the election that will be held after the Department of Justice finds the November election invalid because Biden has commanded Merrick Garland to do so.

Issue an Executive Order that government regulations of business practices, the environment, medical matters, etc. are not subject to judicial review.

Create a free transportation agency for women living in states where abortion is outlawed so they can travel to states where it is legal since the Federal government exists to protect “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.”

This is just the beginning of what Biden can do legally under the new powers conferred to him by the Supreme Court.  He can change his lame duck presidency into a bird of prey presidency. Does all this sound extreme and unconstitutional? It probably will to Joe Biden, but apparently not to the Supreme Court.

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Laurie Baron is professor emeritus at San Diego State University.

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