By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO — Last week President Biden signed legislation designating the bald eagle the national bird of the United States. Intent on undoing everything President Biden has done, Trump plans to rescind this legislation and pick a national bird that better symbolizes his vision for America. He also doesn’t like the bald eagle because it obviously hasn’t figured out that it can cover baldness with a comb-over.
Trump’s transition team has prepared a list of possible fowl who embody the ideals of MAGA America:
Vulture: What better bird to epitomize the oligarchy Trump is installing with his cabinet nominations and cronies like Elon Musk? Like vultures, they swoop down on smaller companies and consume them. These vultures also feed on deregulation, subsidies, and tax cuts.
Penguin: If the penguin becomes the national bird, it will demonstrate that there’s no such thing as global warming. Why would Trump risk his reputation on a bird destined to lose its icy habitat?
Ostrich: The ostrich represents MAGA voters who stuck their heads in the sand ignoring that the man they were voting for was an aspiring authoritarian, compulsive liar, and convicted felon.
Cardinal: Its color illustrates that red has replaced the bluebird.
Parrot: Like Trump’s advisors and cabinet selections, it repeats whatever Trump tells them.
Flamingo: It evokes Mar-a-Lago and possesses long legs to keep it from getting wet when the property is inundated by rising sea levels.
Turkey: Trump loves big white breasts. For similar reasons, he might make cats the national mammal.
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Laurie Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.