By Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D.
EL CAJON, California — Each week, we see the birth of contemporary psychology unfolding in our Torah readings. This week what leaps out is a key concept underlying cognitive behavioral therapy, namely, “cognitive distortions.” We learn of how the Jewish People disqualified the positive, focused on the negative, and saw life through a filter of excessive bleakness.
Fear, “false expectations appearing real,” puts the breaks on a good life. Faith, “fear ain’t in this house” or “forward all issues to Hahshem” takes the brakes off and promotes a more enjoyable life. This week we are reminded just how powerful and limiting irrational fear can be. Yet fear is a natural, healthy response, that when mixed with hope, can move us forward to our own personal, “Promised Land.” Without faith however, fear alone cripples us.
In Shelach, we encounter a powerful psychological drama: after the spies (meraglim) return with their disheartening report, the Israelites are overwhelmed with fear and negativity. They lash out at Moshe Rabbeinu and Aaron, crying, “If only we had died in Egypt!” Their misery leads them straight to the oldest human defense mechanism, blame. They direct their frustration toward their leaders and stir up conflict (machloket).
From a psychological perspective, this reaction reveals an all-too-common human pattern: when reality doesn’t align with our expectations, we look for someone to blame. This cycle of negativity—blaming, complaining, fostering conflict—only deepens our pain and alienates us from potential healing.
Reb Noson teaches that conflict, especially sinat chinam (baseless hatred), is one of the greatest barriers to inner peace and communal harmony. We get so fixated on what’s wrong—both with others and with our own situation—that we fail to recognize the seeds of growth and healing planted in the very challenges we face.
Our Sages remind us that overcoming sinat chinam and fostering trust in Hashem is the key to transforming our struggles. But how do we put this into practice psychologically?
Rebbe Nachman of Breslov gives us a foundational tool: the power to shift our thoughts. He teaches that we have far more control over our inner world than we realize. We are not at the mercy of our negative impulses—rage, blame, or despair. We can train our minds to respond differently.
Here’s a Torah-based self-help exercise:
- Pause and Notice: Become aware of the moments when habitual negative thoughts arise, particularly those that lead to conflict. Notice the emotional triggers.
- Challenge the Narrative: Ask yourself, “Is this thought absolutely true? Is there another perspective?”For example: “Perhaps the other person meant well. Maybe I don’t see the whole picture. Is this worth descending into conflict?”
- Choose a Higher Thought: Consciously replace the negative narrative with trust in Hashem. Remind yourself: “Nothing is worth jeopardizing my inner peace or sowing division. Hashem is in charge, and I place my trust in Him.”
- Use Hitbodedut (Personal Prayer): Speak directly to Hashem about the conflicts and challenges you face. Ask Him for help in overcoming sinat chinam and filling your heart with ahavat Yisrael (love for fellow Jews).
The Talmudic sages repeatedly emphasized that true freedom is not about circumstances but about mastering one’s own mind.
Who is strong? One who conquers his own inclinations. (Pirkei Avot 4:1)
If there is anxiety in a person’s heart, let him quash it (Berakhot 60b). The Talmud advises overcoming worry either by shifting focus to something productive or by verbalizing concerns to process them.
Rabbi Akiva, one of the most revered Talmudic sages, famously declared: Everything that G-d does is for the best (Berakhot 60b). This highlights the importance of trust and perspective when facing adversity.
Recall the defeatist spies, 12 princes of Israel, great men, spiritual leaders, coming back with this belief, “The land does flow with milk and honey. However, the people who live there are powerful, and the cities are fortified and very large.” Our sages teach (Tanḥuma, Sanhedrin 104b, Taanit 29a) that the sin of the spies took place on the ninth day of Av and was the foundation for the destructions of both the first and second Temples (both occurring on the same date in future years).
From Rabbi Moshe Feinstein, zt”l, we learn that when we face a mission anchored in our deeply held purpose, our responsibility is to get started, not to spin thinking about whether we can do it, what if we fail…no, we are to do. We learn in Ethics of our Fathers, “You are not responsible to finish the job, yet you are not free to desist from it.” Hashem decides if we finish it, not us.
Virtues or faults…what do you fill your mind with? The Jewish People irrationally saw themselves as grasshoppers, they rated themselves in ways that prevented them from being true nation builders. Thankfully, we no longer see ourselves in this harmful, limited way – at least those who aim for success do not. The Talmud tells us that, “Man is led in the path that he chooses to travel!”
Let’s take from Shlach an optimistic, trusting, faith-filled vision of ourselves and our lives, come and go with it wherever we travel, and guard our tongues from gossip mongering and becoming purveyors of unbridled lashon hara and motzie sheim ra. May we be blessed with Siyata Dishmaya, Heavenly assistance, to rise above the negative voices and doubts, both internal and external, that challenge our connection to Eretz Yisrael. Just as our ancestors faced these trials, so too are we called, in our time, to stand firm in faith and clarity, playing our part in the ongoing story of the Jewish people and our sacred land.
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Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D., prepares a weekly D’var Torah for Young Israel of San Diego, where he and his family are members. They are also active members of Congregation Adat Yeshurun.