The Origin of the Jewish Wedding Ceremony

PIKESVILLE, Maryland — Jewish wedding ceremonies are filled with symbolism. The fundamental elements of a wedding are the chuppah (the wedding canopy), the statement made by the groom to his bride, in which he declares his intention to take her as his wife, and her acceptance of him.

The rabbi does not create the marriage. Rabbis only ensure that everything is done correctly. The use of a rabbi, the ketubah (marriage contract), the ring ceremony, the breaking of the glass, the bride walking around the groom, and other things were not present in the days of Moses.

Deuteronomy 22:13 describes how marriages were done in the days of Moses and for some time thereafter. It was an act performed by a man, not by a woman. He would ask her to marry him, and her role was to accept the marriage and allow him to have sex with her. The verse states, “If a man takes a wife and has sex with her, but (later, after these acts of marriage, he dislikes her, the verses go on to speak about divorce).”

Chuppah means “canopy” or “covering.” It is the wedding canopy under which the bride and groom stand during a Jewish wedding ceremony.[1] The Chuppah is symbolic of a room where the bride and groom go to have sex. It is one of two such symbolic events. The other is called Yichud. After the wedding ceremony, the couple goes into a room for a sufficient time to have sex. This, as well as the Chuppah, recalls the ancient practice that marriages were consummated with sex.

The word “chuppah” appears in the Torah in Joel 2:16 (“Gather the people. Consecrate the congregation; assemble the elders; gather the children, even nursing infants. Let the bridegroom leave his room, and the bride her chamber.”) and Psalms 19:5 (“It is like a bridegroom coming out of his chamber.”)

These verses, which mention a “chamber, refer to a private enclosure or chamber, often associated with the bridal chamber or the groom’s home, where the couple would consummate their marriage. The current notion that the chuppah is a symbol of the new home developed later during the Middle Ages. Similarly, the understanding that it signifies the couple’s commitment to creating a shared life, that it represents God’s presence and blessing over their union, and the open sides of the chuppah, reminiscent of Abraham and Sarah’s tent, emphasize hospitality and welcome to all, were all developed long after the chuppah was first used.

The Talmud Kiddushin 2a states that marriages are performed in one of three ways: the male giving money or something worth money to his intended, handing her a contract, or having sex. The rabbis added the first two and discouraged the third because they felt it was indecent, mainly because they felt there should be witnesses to the marriage who might be necessary in the future to prove the marriage occurred, and witnesses to sex is unseemly.

A ring soon became the object used to initiate the marriage because it has at least some monetary value. The earliest currently existing evidence of the use of rings in marriages is found in ancient Egypt. Egyptians made rings from woven reeds or leather. They considered the never-ending roundness of the rings as symbols of strength and the permanence of love, eternal. The Romans and Jews later adopted this practice, and it is a universal custom today.

The rabbis mandated that diamonds and other jewels should not be in the ring during the wedding ceremony to avoid any possible post-ceremony strife that there was deception or misunderstanding regarding the ring’s worth. Diamonds can be added after the ceremony.

Stomping or breaking a glass at a Jewish wedding is another symbolic act. The rabbis instructed us to recall the destruction of the Temple as often as possible, especially during times of joy and celebration. The wedding, being for most couples a time of supreme happiness, gave rise to the custom of recalling the destruction at this time.

Other meanings were later assigned, such as the importance of remembering historical struggles and the impermanence of things, the fragility of human relationships, urging the couple to cherish and protect their bond, and recognizing that one misstep in a marriage can destroy it.

In the Ashkenazi tradition, the bride circles her groom either three or seven times under the chuppah. I recall that my mother’s brother, the brilliant scholar Rabbi Dr. Sydney B. Hoenig, author of the classic book, The Great Sanhedrin: A Study of the Origin, Development, Composition and Functions of the Bet Din Ha-Gadol During the Second Jewish Commonwealth, suggested it was a way the Ashkenazic Jews gave women a part in the wedding service. She acquired the groom as her husband, just as the patriarch Abraham acquired the land of Israel for himself and his descendants.

The idea of walking the land to acquire it originates from Genesis 13:17, where God tells Abraham (then Abram), “Arise, walk through the land, to its length and its breadth, for I will give it to you.” The Talmud discusses this verse, specifically in Tractate Bava Batra 100a. Rabbi Eliezer states there that Abraham’s walk was a symbolic act of kinyan (acquisition), through which he took possession of the land for himself and his descendants.

Some people believe this practice arose to create a protective magical wall against demons, temptation, and the seduction of other women. Others think the bride is symbolically creating a new family circle, whatever that may mean.

The numbers seven and three were likely chosen for this event because seven is a popular number in Judaism, occurring in over a hundred practices, because it recalls God’s creation of the world, and because it symbolizes a complete act. Three is considered half of seven and is also frequently used in both Judaism and fairy tales. It also recalls Abraham’s three-day trip to sacrifice his son Isaac in Genesis 22, a journey similar to the marriage walk, and a significant act, just as marriage is significant.

*
Rabbi Dr. Israel Drazin is a retired brigadier general in the U.S. Army Chaplain Corps and is the author of more than 50 books.