By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO — The Great Replacement theory claims that evil global elites and politicians are replacing white Christians where sizable communities of Black and Brown immigrants and refugees. Who can forget the chants of “Jews will not replace us” from the infamous Unite the Right demonstrations in Charlottesville?
Yet a more sinister replacement conspiracy is currently happening. King Donald has dispatched federalized troops to Los Angeles and Washington D.C. to defend ICE agents from protesters and fight crime respectively. He is preparing to do the same in Chicago. Is it coincidence that the cities subjected to military occupations have large minority populations and Democratic mayors in states with Democratic governors? Why not Memphis, Nashville, and Little Rock whose violent crime rates rank them among the top ten worst American cities? Oh, I forgot, they are in red states that voted for Trump and have Republican governors!
Contrary to his justifications for militarizing American cities, I suspect Trump plans to deport many allegedly dangerous immigrants who comprise much of the urban manual labor workforce there and fire disloyal civil servants who do similar tasks. He is replacing them with armed personnel under his command.
National Guard soldiers in Washington D.C. have been picking up garbage in parks, spreading mulch around cherry trees, and raking leaves. Trained to kill our nation’s enemies, they are prepared to kill weeds and wield weapons like rakes to wage the war on refuse. Rumor has it that the cherry tree fertilization component of the operation will soon be terminated because cherry trees remind Americans that there once was a president who could not tell a lie.
Troops are also patrolling sightseeing spots in Washington D.C. to make the city safe for tourists. This is a cushier mission than dealing with felons in poorer neighborhoods. Unfortunately, there aren’t many tourists to help since many potential foreign visitors to the United States have canceled their trips. I guess they weren’t incentivized to travel here and pay the $250 “visa integrity fee” Trump has imposed.
Trump’s urban warfare aims at creating employment for a military that no longer has any purpose since he doesn’t want to deploy it abroad. Moreover, they are assuming the roles that the deep state civil servants and immigrants have played in the American economy. Besides it keeps them busy until he can send them to suppress riots.
It’s time for us to protest holding flashlights (not Tiki torches) and yelling “the Feds will not Replace us.” Of course, Trump will then blame these protests on George Soros.
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Laurie Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.
Right off, bro
Right on, bro!