By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO — Donald Trump managed to belittle the UN and offend its member nations this week. He dished out barbs and unsolicited advice because, as he so modestly put it, “I’ve been right about everything.” Although his insults and blatant egotism were UNdiplomatic, it could have been worse. Spies inside the West Wing have informed me that Marco Rubio edited the most egregious parts of the address. Here are some excerpts from what Trump didn’t say.
After complaining about the UN’s malfunctioning escalator, he estimated the price for replacing it with a gold one which will only be used when he visits the UN. When that happens, he will be going down the elevator like an angel descending from heaven. He announced his plan to demolish the UN building and outsource its destruction to Netanyahu since he has proven himself to be a master of demolition in Gaza. The new UN building will be very tall, but still shorter than Trump Tower to illustrate the hierarchical relationship between the United States and the United Nations.
He made his objections to green energy crystal clear. When his sons and son-in-law get the contract to construct the new UN building casino, and golf course, they will dismantle solar farms and windmills and recycle the materials that they are composed of into concrete and steel. The height of the building will ensure that rising sea levels won’t inundate it in case global warming isn’t a Chinese hoax. If it is real—and that is impossible given Trump’s infallibility—it will melt the glaciers of Greenland and release torrents of water that will wash up on American shores enabling the US to annex Greenland without going to war.
He ended his tirade against immigration by reminding the delegates that they are foreigners. If their countries vote against the US on any issue, he warned, he will strip them of their diplomatic immunity and deport them. He intends to order investigations into the elections of their hostile governments contending that the elections that put them into power were rigged. He asserted that the only elections whose results can be trusted are the ones monitored by his fellow despots.
Finally, he told the member nations, except those led by dictators, “they will go to hell.” He believed this was imminent because his UN address occurred on the same day the Rapture was predicted. His advisors were relieved that the prophecy was unfulfilled. They had worried that Trump might be left behind.
*
Laurie Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.