By Eric George Tauber in Cincinnati, Ohio
The title of this podcast took me back to a particular day, early in my marriage, when I took my wife’s car out for a wash and some routine maintenance. I noticed that one headlight was out, so I replaced the bulb. When I got home and told my wife about it, she remarked, “You can do that?”
“It’s changing a lightbulb, Dear. I’m no grease monkey, but yeah, I can do that.”
My wife explained that she was surprised because “most Jewish men” (e.g. her father) were “helpless mama’s boys.” While I’m nobody’s idea of a macho man, I can change the bulb in a headlight and work a power drill. But then I’m also pretty handy in the kitchen and I do my own laundry. I’ve always thought of these as basic survival skills, but some would call this a violation of traditional gender norms. This is why I was interested in reviewing Mama’s Boys, a podcast by Rabbi Noam Raucher and comedian Rob Kutner as they explore with insight and playful banter what it means to be a man -with Jewish values- in today’s society.
For their premiere episode, Raucher and Kutner were joined by a “Righteous Shiksa,” Marlene Sharp and actor Joshua Malina. Malina is known for his television roles in The West Wing, Sports Night, Scandal and The Big Bang Theory. Malina related how his parents taught him to be a mensh by giving him money to give tzedakah to whichever causes moved him. He also saw his father give freely to beggars, which he thought crossed the line. After all, what if they have problems with booze or drugs. However, Malina’s father said, “If someone has been reduced to asking strangers for money, you don’t quiz them about why.”
Between segments, they cut to Rob Kutner doing man-on-the-street interviews asking random Jewish men questions about what manhood and fatherhood meant to them. Then they returned to Malina to discuss these questions in greater depth.
None of the participants really oozed machismo by discussing sports, firearms or strippers. However, they all admitted to repressing vulnerable emotions to meet society’s expectations of manhood. And yet Kutner related how men making a minyan to say the Mourners’ Kaddish is a profound way for Jewish men to cry. Shul becomes a safe space to express your grief when your pain is at its rawest, and your community will be there for you.
While the podcast is enjoyable, I frankly doubt that a podcast on a topic so very specific will be long lived. Then again, it did get me thinking. As a public school teacher, most of my professional life is spent among non-Jews, and I think that the Jewish paradigm of manhood is different in a good way. We don’t prove our manhood through hunting, fisticuffs and womanizing. Most of us aren’t that great at sports. The best of us teach our sons to be menshes by showing integrity and giving tzedakah. Any father who imparts these lessons to his sons is doing a good job.