By Shayna Kaufmann in San Diego
Finish this sentence: What if_______.
Let your imagination roll and see what comes up. Close your eyes and take as much time as you need. Did your sentence have a positive or negative spin? I don’t know about you, but for me “what if” is almost always followed by something worrisome, if not downright catastrophic.
“What if she’s not picking up her phone because something happened?”
“What if he breaks her heart?”
“What if that headache is a brain tumor?”
Sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone.
Our minds are incredibly adept at imagining worst-case scenarios. There is even a name for it: the negativity bias.And it’s not entirely our fault. This tendency isn’t simply a matter of seeing the glass as half empty rather than half full. It’s rooted in our evolutionary wiring. Our ancestors needed to anticipate potential dangers in order to survive. “What if that rustling in the leaves is a wild animal?” “What if this storm wipes out our entire crop?” “What if my child’s fever doesn’t break?”
These were legitimate, realistic, and potentially life-threatening “what ifs.”
And while such threats remain very real for far too many people, many of us are fortunate to live with relative safety, sufficient food, and access to medical care. Nevertheless, our minds continue to gravitate toward what could go wrong rather than what could go right.
But what if we could change that?
A few weeks ago, my husband Eric facilitated a beautiful prayer circle for me. It was held in one of my absolute favorite places: the yurt where I used to (and soon will again!) hold my all-day Embrace the Middle workshops, where I crossed the threshold into my 60s, and where I feel a palpable sense of intentional energy and magic. The yurt is like a womb to me.
Ten dear friends gathered in this intimate space. After leading some beautiful meditations, Eric introduced the concept of “what if” as an aspirational prayer. Rather than using those two little words to imagine everything that could go wrong, he invited us to imagine what could go wonderfully right.
Eric began by offering a few examples:
“What if Shayna’s body is returning to its natural blueprint of perfect health?”
“What if, several years from now, Shayna is bouncing grandchildren on her lap?”
He then invited our friends to spontaneously offer their own “what ifs.” Here are a few of what our friends shared:
“What if, in the future, Shayna is sharing her story of beating cancer in front of hundreds, if not thousands, of people, giving hope to the hopeless?”
“What if G-d hears and answers all of our prayers?”
“What if Shayna’s multifaceted approach to healing helps others heal as well?
After each “what if,” the group collectively responded, “Aho!”—an affirmation of the intention being offered. I sat in the middle of the circle and added my own echoing “Aho,” looking up through the window at the apex of the yurt, imagining our collective intentions rising toward the heavens. I also shed more than a few tears of joy as I allowed myself to imagine each possibility becoming my reality.
I was happy mush. I even briefly wondered whether I was grateful for the cancer. Okay, I’m not going that far! But I did begin to see this chapter of my life in a different light.
What if this experience, which I certainly never would have chosen, is also opening doors I never imagined? Doors to a deeper faith, a greater appreciation for the power of community and prayer, a more intimate relationship with uncertainty, and perhaps a greater capacity to inspire others.
Could something I so desperately wish I didn’t have also become one of my greatest teachers? I don’t know. But I’m open to the possibility.
And that’s what I want to invite you to consider.
What if we gave positive possibilities as much airtime as negative ones?
Think about it. Both scenarios are hypothetical outcomes that exist in our minds. Neither has happened yet. So why do we give so much more attention and energy to the frightening one?
What if we consciously practiced imagining what could go right, rather than automatically assuming what could go wrong?
And not because doing so guarantees a positive outcome. It doesn’t. But because imagining something wonderful offers us something that fear alone cannot: hope. And hope can change how we experience the present, even when we cannot control the future.
This doesn’t mean denying our fears or pretending that everything will work out as we wish. As I often write about in Embrace the Middle, life is full of “ands.” We can be frightened AND hopeful. We can acknowledge the very real possibility of disappointment AND imagine something extraordinary. We can accept what is AND remain open to what might be. These aren’t just philosophical ideas for me. They’re practices I’m leaning on with everything I’ve got right now.
Today, Tuesday October 13, is my first follow-up PET and CT scans since my cancer recurrence and since starting a brand-new chemotherapy and immunotherapy protocol.
My instinctual “what ifs” skewed negatively: What if the treatment isn’t working? What if the tumors have grown or spread? What happens when my body, which is already struggling to produce sufficient red and white blood cells, can no longer tolerate chemotherapy? These are legitimate and very, very scary possibilities.
But I’m practicing making room for other “what ifs,” too: What if the scans show no evidence of disease? What if my body is healing in ways that surprise even my doctors? What if my journey with active cancer is coming to an end, and a new chapter of sharing all that I’ve learned is beginning?
I don’t know what Tuesday’s scans will reveal. And as much as I wish otherwise, I can’t control the results by choosing which “what ifs” to believe. But I can choose which possibilities I make room for in my mind and heart.
And if I’m going to spend time imagining a future that hasn’t happened yet, why not give the amazing possibilities some airtime, too?
So, I’ll leave you with the same invitation Eric gave our friends that evening.
What if…
Go ahead. Let your imagination soar.
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