By David Amos
SAN DIEGO — A few months ago I wrote about the famous 1940 book by Oscar Levant, A Smattering of Ignorance. As you may know or have read, Levant was a pianist-composer in the mid-Twentieth Century; he was involved in both popular and very serious classical music, was a good friend of George Gershwin and his family, and personally knew practically all the famous creative people of his time. You can see him as an actor and remarkable pianist in films such as An American in Paris, Humoresque, and Rhapsody in Blue. In the 1950’s he hosted a long running music and talk television show originating from Los Angeles.
But, he was best known as a sharp tongued wit. His many clever, funny, and insightful comments are frequently quoted. His second book is called The Memories of an Amnesiac, published by Samuel French Trade, Hollywood. His unabashed, sometimes outrageous comments are just too good to be kept silent. Here, I give you some anecdotes and quips which I am pleased to share with you.
–After playing the first movement of my Sonatina for Aaron Copland at George Gershwin’s apartment, Aaron invited me to play my work at the first American Music Festival to be held at Yaddo, Saratoga Springs. There, my sprightly pianistic abilities added luster to the performance, and the work, which had contempt for profundity, was warmly received.
–After my Sonatina, I composed an instrumental work for piano. While trying to decide on a title for it, I came across the information that Joseph Stalin had been born in a place called Tiflis. So, I called my piece A Slight Touch of Tiflis. My publisher thought it was hilarious, but unprintable.
–About the separation from his first wife: Someone asked whether Barbara and I had been incompatible. I said, “Besides incompatibility, we hated each other”. I also mentioned that “Neither one of us was too good for each other”.
–Two comments about the filming of Humoresque: The star, John Garfield, had to be photographed playing the violin, simulating the technique of the left hand fingering, and the right hand bowing it. They had great difficulty with this scene. They couldn’t arrive at a modus operandi until, finally, in close shots, they had two violinists crouched out of camera range; one did the fingerwork and the other the bowing. The violin was attached to Garfield’s neck. The real playing was pre-recorded by the great Isaac Stern, and I accompanied him on the piano. After a couple of takes, I suggested, “Why don’t the five of us make a concert tour?”
— And the other: I had one line in the script which I refused to utter unless I gave due credit. It was originally said by Leopold Godowsky, a great pianist in his time, whose son is married to George Gershwin’s sister Frankie. The line was “I don’t like to go to concerts because if they’re good, I’m jealous; if they’re bad, I’m bored”.
–There was a film called Anna Lucasta, written by Phil Yordan, and based on Anna Christie. At the end of a television conversation, Yordan asked Levant, “Do you want to hear about my failures?” to which Oscar replied, “No, your successes are depressing enough!”
–On his friends George and Beatrice Kauffman: I once took Beatrice to Carnegie Hall to hear Stokowski conduct Bach’s Mass in b minor. (Beatrice hated even good music) We were late. “In heaven’s name, let’s hurry”, she said; “Or we’ll miss the intermission”.
When the novel Gentlemen’s Agreement was published in 1947, someone asked George whether he had read it. He replied, “I don’t have to pay two-fifty to find out how it feels to be a Jew.”
–Of the play Skylark which starred Gertrude Lawrence, Kauffman said, “It was a bad play saved by a bad performance.”
–Once I said to a rather obnoxious personality, “I find you highly resistible; you are unfettered by the slavery of talent”.
–During the years, I have had innumerable lines that I originated become practically public domain. However, imitation is the sincerest form of plagiarism.
–I once asked Toscanini if he had any superstitions. A wild glint flashed into his eyes, and he bellowed, “Superstish….no superstish! What am I? A man or no man?” This rather Talmudic confrontation went on for some time until he simmered down. Then, Horowitz (Toscanini’s son –in law), whispered in my ear, “He’s never given up one of his superstitions!”
–One summer, when Horowitz was in California, Jascha Heifetz asked him to play the Schumann Toccata. Horowitz, who’d just been proudly explaining that he was going to take his final citizenship test the next day, said, “The next time I play the Toccata, I’ll play it as an American citizen”. Heifetz said, “Well, now play it for the last time as a Russian citizen”. But when he did, Heifetz complained that he played it too slowly.
–Horowitz gave me lessons in cancelling concerts. I used to cancel as far ahead as two weeks when I was ill. “Never do that,” he explained. “Always cancel at the last minute”. So I jokingly said, “Let’s take an ad: Vladimir Horowitz and Oscar Levant open for a limited number of cancellations”.
–The great piano virtuoso Josef Hoffmann got a doctor’s prescription for some sleeping pills. In order to save money, it was made out to “Dr” Hoffmann. When he presented it to the pharmacist, Hoffmann was unshaved and looking seedy. The pharmacist was suspicious and asked, “Dr. Hoffmann, are you practicing?” The triumphant reply was” I used to, but I don’t have to any more!”
There are many, many more humorous, surprising, and insightful quotes for this book, which is a humanistic and revealing document of many of the great minds of the past century, and how they related to each other. But, let’s leave more of these quotes for another time.
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Amos is conductor of the Tifereth Israel Community Orchestra in San Diego, and has guest conducted professional orchestras around the world. He may be contacted at david.amos@sdjewishworld.com