By Rabbi Leonard Rosenthal
SAN DIEGO — I visited one of our younger Torah School classrooms on Wednesday. They were learning about the Luchot Ha-Brit, the Tablets of the Covenant, i.e., the Ten Commandments.
One of the students asked me, “What is adultery?” Before I could answer the teacher explained, “I tell them that it is a kind of jealousy.” I let the answer go, though I am usually more direct: “It is when someone who is married is romantically involved with someone other than their spouse.”
Whereas some societies see adultery only as an affront to one’s spouse and marital trust, and as something which undermines society, Judaism goes a step further. Judaism sees the betrayal of a marital relationship as an affront against God. This spiritual and religious view of marriage is found early in Jewish history.
After Joseph arrives in Egypt he is purchased by Potiphar. Potiphar takes a liking to him and places him in charge of his household.
Joseph is a very attractive young man and catches the eye of Mrs. Potiphar. Mrs. Potiphar soon implores him, “Lie with me.” (Gen. 39:5) Joseph, being a good Jewish boy, refuses. He tells her, “Look, with me here, my master gives no thought to anything in this house, and all that he owns he placed in my hands. He wields no more authority in this house than I, and he has withheld nothing from me except yourself, since you are his wife. How then could I do this most wicked thing, and sin before God?” (Gen. 39:8-9)
Joseph must have known that his refusal would not lead to a good end. Even with all of his power he was still a slave, and Mrs. Potiphar was his master. Yet he still demurred. Dr. Nahum Sarna in his JPS Torah commentary writes that in refusing her advances, Joseph begins with reasons reflecting values Mrs. Potiphar can understand. First he tells her that to have a sexual relationship with her would be a violation of Potiphar’s trust. After all that he had done for him, how could he so wrong his master?
Second, he tells Mrs. Potiphar that she “belongs” to her husband and that Potiphar has certain rights over her that no one else can violate. Sarna writes that his reason,”… reflects pagan legal theory that adultery was largely a private injury, an affront and indignity to the husband.” (JPS Torah Commentary, Genesis, p. 273)
It is only with his third reason that Joseph expresses his uniquely Jewish point of view: to have a sexual relationship with a married woman is an affront to God. Adultery is more than an offense against a spouse or society, it is an offense against God.
The Hebrew word for marriage is kiddushin, which means holy. The relationship between a husband and wife is a holy one, which is blessed by God. Just as one’s relationship with God should be unique and elevated above all others, so should one’s relationship with one’s spouse. Just as one must have an exclusive relationship with God, so should exclusivity apply to one’s relationship with one’s spouse. This is what God demands,
Even in the pagan society of Egypt, even when it ended up going against his best interest, Joseph conformed to his Jewish ideals and values.
We, who live in a country in which adultery is defined largely as a personal offense against one’s spouse and not against society at large, should follow his example.
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Rabbi Rosenthal is spiritual leader of Tifereth Israel Synagogue in San Diego. He may be contacted at leonard.rosenthal@sdjewishworld.com