Humoring the headlines: September 6, 2013

 

By Laurie Baron

Lawrence (Laurie) Baron
Lawrence (Laurie) Baron

SAN DIEGO — President Obama has asked for congressional authorization to conduct a limited military strike against Syria.  He realizes that time is of the essence because the strike must be launched before the House Republicans shut down the government rather than increase the debt limit.  Other members of the House indicated they would vote for the authorization if it included a provision for abolishing Obama Care.  It turns out, however, that there won’t be any money to fund the strike if it is approved.  Sequester cuts eliminated the budget for reprisal bombings.

Diana Nyad successfully completed her swim from Havana to Key West.  Upon walking on to a beach in Key West, she was forced back into the water in the direction of Cuba by the Immigration and Naturalization Service because she had forgotten her passport.

Cleveland kidnapper Ariel Castro hung himself in his prison cell.  Upon arriving in hell, he complained about how inhuman it is to hold someone in captivity without the hope of release.

Bashar al-Assad has threatened that Syria might attack Israel if the United States bombs Syria.  Since then Israeli television has been broadcasting the clip of Clint Eastwood saying, “Go ahead; make my day!”

More and more universities are offering online courses and degrees.  The problem is that they are all being taught by Professor Hal.