Should we separate the genders in middle school?

By Rabbi Simcha Weiser

SAN DIEGO — Is anyone more motivated than a parent is to make the best choice in guiding their child?

You would think not, right?  But in these divisive times, when every viewpoint is instantly categorized as progressive, conservative, religious, racist, …. even when it comes to discharging our parental responsibilities we are no longer open to thinking through options and considering what is truly best.

Case in point: are girls better off in a co-ed classroom or a separate gender classroom in middle school grades 6 – 8?  Are you open to giving this some thoughtful consideration?

In the Harvard Education Magazine, Winter 2019 edition, such discussion takes place in an important article titled ‘Girlhood’ written by editor Lory Hough.  It grapples with the concern that although opportunities for women in the workplace are greater than ever before, our middle school daughters seemed trapped by the message that ‘what you look like matters more than anything else.’

In spite of this overwhelming social pressures at this stage of development, what also emerges from current studies is that our girls ask deeper questions than boys do during middle school years, and more actively are seeking inner meaning.  Our daughters, aged 11 – 15 often think carefully about how others see them as individuals, and therefore show much higher levels of self-awareness when compared to boys.  In short, the growth pattern of our daughters at this stage of life is completely different than the pattern of our sons.  Doesn’t it make sense that their learning should match their heightened interests?

This free ranging discussion among developmental psychologists and educators in the Harvard Education Magazine draws upon ground breaking studies by Harvard professor Carol Gilligan, who a generation ago began advocating that separate gender education during the middle school years greatly benefits girls.  Gilligan holds that when in classes together with other girls, and without the pressure to appeal to boys, our daughters progress as individuals in ways that lead to life- long advantages in self-confidence  and well-being.

But outside of this Harvard academic bubble, and certainly within our Jewish community, such important considerations are often brushed aside because it “looks too religious” to separate our boys and girls, or “seems too backward.”  We label ideas without giving them consideration.

Yes, we live at a time when divisive politics and a lack of respectful dialogue taints every conversation.  Most of us only speak with someone we know in advance agrees with us.  I suggest we check some of our politics and labeling at the door, and sit down together and think through how we can be the best parents our children deserve, and how we can make good decisions based on their long term well-being.

What is best for your daughter?  Read the research, consider the various options, and be courageous in deciding what is best for your child.  Check out ‘Girlhood’ on the Harvard Graduate School of Education website.

As parents, our children deserve this consideration.  Let’s not be afraid to talk about it.

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Rabbi Simcha Weiser is the longstanding Head of School at Soille Hebrew Day School in Kearny Mesa, a U.S. Blue Ribbon Award winning program which includes separate gender middle school classes in Judaic studies.  An important outcome of the program is that most graduates, boys and girls, consider themselves leaders.