SAN DIEGO — Our Torah portion this week, Kedoshim, provides us with instructions on how to conduct ourselves in a holy manner. One somewhat surprising instruction is when the Torah tells us that in order to live our lives in a holy way, we need to “Hocheach tochiach et amitecha.” The Torah tells us that we should “rebuke, rebuke our friend.”
At first glance, the repetition of the word “rebuke” in a sentence seems redundant and somewhat perplexing. Some traditional commentators suggest the repetition might be because we may need to rebuke our friends more than once. We should do so the first time gently, and if our neighbor doesn’t respond we may have to do it a second time more forcefully. But I would like to suggest a different possibility.
This grammatical pattern of verb repetition is a common sentence structure in the Bible. It is often the emphasis on the importance of a particular action, which may be what is going in our portion. Rebuking people in our lives whom we love, and care about, is difficult. We don’t want to upset them, and make them feel bad about the actions they have taken or choices they have made. Nevertheless, we need people in our lives whom we trust to point out to us when we make mistakes, and when we may have taken a wrong turn. We need people in our lives who don’t just tell us what we want to hear, but what we need to hear, and can do so in a supportive and loving way. It is difficult to say, it is difficult to hear, but it it is crucial so that we can learn and grow as human beings, as families, and as communities, which is holy.
It is my hope for all of us this Shabbat and beyond that we have friends in our lives that we can trust to help us, and provide us with the guidance and support we need to grow and improve. That we can be the best and holiest versions of ourselves that we have the potential to be.
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Rabbi Dorsch is spiritual leader of Tifereth Israel Synagogue in San Diego. He may be contacted via joshua.dorsch@sdjewishworld.com
