-Fifth in a Series-
SOLANA BEACH, California — I’ll try to keep it entertaining and brief. Suffice it to say that my suspicions and worst fears were confirmed over the weekend as I met the Israeli guy from L.A. I felt he was going to be chauvinistic and also cocksure of himself, without reason. Did I call it, or what????
Our plan: Moishe was to drive down from LA and arrive at 12:30, whereupon we would walk to Ki’s for lunch, and then either go for a hike, or go to the beach.
First hint of disaster: Moishe calls at 12:45 from the outskirts of LA. Apparently he will be late, and traffic is bad. Eva asks, “Are you starving?” Moishe responds, “No, I’m good. I have water, nuts, fresh figs, apples. I’m fine. See you around 2.” This is overly optimistic, and he arrives at 3.
After inviting him in, I tell him that the walk to the restaurant is about 30 minutes. Will this be okay? “Of course, no problem.” Though he has brought other clothes, he opts not to change out of his jeans and boots.
Ten minutes into the walk, he tells me this is outrageous, and we should have driven. He is sure everyone is looking at him because he is wearing jeans, and not shorts. He also is not happy that he is wearing his boots.
Fifteen minutes into the walk he asks me to point out where we’re headed, tells me he can get there faster and will meet me there. He runs across Highway 101 and disappears. I don’t know what to make of this, so I continue on to Ki’s, knowing he will not meet me there. I arrive, and as anticipated, he is nowhere to be found. I did not bring my cell, and so must borrow the waitress’s. I call and he answers and says that there is no restaurant. When I tell him I am, in fact, calling from the phantom restaurant, he tells me he is returning to the place where we “split up” and I should return to meet him there. Perplexed, I do so.
Here, he tells me that I need to learn social skills and should have offered him water at my house, and followed behind him. He is the General, and I am the troops. Then he proceeds to give me some biblical rationale about how important water is, and I denied him water at my house. Whatever!
We arrive at Ki’s and order. I am at a loss. I haven’t a clue how to proceed. So, I order a glass of wine! I’m thinking, “How can I redeem this afternoon?” Lunch over, I offer to pay for myself. Moishe declines, but tells me I can pay for the cab to bring us home. This was another awkward experience, with Moishe being rude and surly to the cab driver….
There was more….but that is the general tone, and easily the MOST bizarre date, I’ve ever had.
I’m joining a convent tomorrow.
Next: Hey Big Spender
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Trieger is a freelance writer who specializes in coverage of the arts. She may be contacted via eva.trieger@sdjewishworld.com