By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO — Marjorie Failure Greene recently tweeted, “We need a national divorce. We need to separate by red states and blue states and shrink the federal government. I want to see a legal agreement that would separate states to resolve ideological and political disagreements. Rearranged this way, Americans can decide where and how to live, and we don’t have to argue with one another anymore.”
I’m not sure Greene has thought this one through. First, the red states will hire Donald Trump’s lawyers to negotiate the terms of divorce. To put it delicately, their track record isn’t exactly stellar. They lost 62 of 63 election fraud lawsuits, and, the only decision they initially won was overturned. The last time I checked, Joe Biden was president and Trump hadn’t been reinstated.
Second, there’s bound to be all sorts of custody battles. Districts in Georgia that voted for people like Greene should leave the union, but Atlanta doesn’t deserve to be redlined. Let the red states have rural Arizona, but not Phoenix, and so on. The criteria for determining whether a place belongs to the blue nation or the red confederacy is if there are more Waffle Houses than Starbucks there, it will be designated red and vice versa for blue areas.
Third, the blue states will stop paying poorer red states “alimony.” 7 of the 10 states most dependent on the federal government are solidly Republican. On the other hand, Greene might prefer this because she hates welfare programs.
Fourth, if the blue states are free to indoctrinate their children with wokeness, will the red states do the converse and encourage their students to sleep whenever a controversial issue is raised?
Fifth, the last time such a national divorce was tried, it wasn’t amicable. 620,000 Union and Confederate soldiers died. Greene apparently believes the South won the Civil War, so she isn’t concerned about the possibility of another one. After all, she probably has stockpiled a lot of AR-15s. If not, I’m sure Lauren Boebert will loan her some. Before this divorce is finalized, Greene probably should check on what the US Army has in its arsenal.
Finally, if Americans won’t have anything to argue about anymore, will Greene have anything to say that could attract media attention and political support?
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Baron is professor emeritus at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via Lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com
Laurie,
Funny piece. However, I would dispute a few points. True that the North won the Civil War, technically. However, the Civil War morphed into different forms and stages that led to lynchings and other murders of Black people and their allies. In addition, red states have taken advantage of our political system to block critical social programs and foul up the Supreme Court.
Perhaps we can solve all these issues using Jewish Space Lasers.
Thanks for the laugh. Sadly, she may end up being someone’s vice presidential nominee someday soon!
Also, I prefer the nickname “Madge Tadge Gadge.”
Keep up the satire! It’s not dead!